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2 Clips -- Behind the Heather Locklear Melrose Numbers is Bad Promotion

Now this just pisses me off, because you know they paid top dollar to get Heather and then to fail to promote it properly is just stupid. And you can see the particulars quite handily if you look at it this way (cocking my head to the left ... hehehe I said cocking ... and head).

Hibberd at his THR blog says, "The CW was hoping for a little more than this." Well, they should have looked outside The CW when they were promoting the thing.

I would have promo'd the hell out of her first appearance on TV Land and SoapNet, but apparently they failed to do that, because it seems the very slight uptick in the ratings came from the 18-34 female demo that probably doesn't much remember Amanda from back in the day but was exposed to all the promo that ran on the netlet during their other 18-34 female skewing shows.

TVByTheNumbers.com:

The return of Heather Locklear gave a bump to Melrose Place’s ratings. It had only the slightest increase to a 0.8 rating for adults 18-49 (vs. a 0.7 last week), but did better among youth increasing to a 1.1 rating for adults 18-34 (vs. a 0.8 last week) and a 1.6 rating for women 18-34 (vs. a 1.2 last week) . That’s slightly better than I expected in the women’s 18-34 demos, but less in the other two categories.

I'll say this ... I didn't see one mention of the show or Heather's debut on it on anything I have watched this week ... and I'm your TV Junkie. If I didn't see it, it's like it wasn't seen.

More, with clips, after the jump.

The Beautiful Life TBL Canceled: Takes More Than Just a Pretty Face (and a hot body)

See this image above? Sara Paxton is feeling the exact opposite of that this morning. She probably turned down work to grab the lead in this show, poor girl.

Of course, I've been saying that it takes more than being pretty for years. And, before I date anyone, I have them do long division and diagram a sentence in front of me, just so I know they can.

And since I live in Southern California it means I don't date much.

The show was ... not good. So heavy handed, very predictable ... and I don't think it helped much that as it speeded toward cancelation its producer was tweeting about his anniversary dinner and how you can see the show on iTunes.

And the performances. And maybe lining up someone more famous than Zac Posen. Christian Siriano would have been a better choice for TV, he at least has a catchphrase that you could have employed.

Should have been working on the show's bible and the dialogue. He is the basis for this thing, right? Iowa farmboy with parents in financial difficulty gets discovered in the big city? Right?

This is the second scripted series from Ashton Kutcher's production company that has failed quickly. The last one was the Judy Greer vehicle Miss/Guided. And I like her so much that it actually hurt me physically when she did the few eps I saw.

Katalyst needs a scripted hit. Got one for them? Anyone? Buehler?

(Oops, not that I want him to try to mount another Ferris Buehler TV series, it's just a convention I use to note that there's no one listening out there. It's also the only fond memory I have of Ben Stein, who's become a tool for the political right since then. No need to revisit Ferris btw, the film is very rewatchable.)

And the reason I saw Katalyst needs a scripted hit? Because Ashton does put the charitable portion of his paycheck to very good use, and I'd like to see him be able to do more of that.

CW's Serves Up its Fictional Models with Two Sides of Sexual Predator, One Straight & One Gay

Yes, I had to watch The Beautiful Life: TBL, if only to look at all the pretty kids, and they are pretty. I mean, just look above ... they are all certainly freaks of nature.

What? Yes, freaks of nature. More of us look like, well ... us, than look like that.

Something for your to always remember. That perfect nose, if it didn't come out of an operating room, came from the twisted strands of mutant DNA. There are many more average looking people on this planet than there are pretty.

(Also, notice that it's Ashley Madekwe from series two of Secret Diary of a Call Girl all the way to the left.)

So, how does this confection work? I'll lay it all out for you ... Raina (Sara Paxton) is a young model who gets plucked from semi-obscurity to wear the big dress of the evening at the Zac Posen Fashion Week show because Sonja (Mischa Barton) can't fit into it, which is the biggest of crimes in her world.

Wearing said dress, walking to the end of the runway and holding her hands up in victory (because she didn't trip?) makes her the next big thing, but she worries about Sonja liking her because -- and this is where it gets somewhat unrealistic -- Raina is ... nice.

So is Chris. He's with his Iowa farm family having lunch at a model hangout in NYC on vacation (as if models eat lunch) when model scout Simon, in between I dunno, sips of his Cosmo and sending anonymous tips to Perez (?!?) sees the farmboy and hands over his card.

Nice model girl and nice model boy meet cute at the agency, have a conversation with a woman named Claudia who looks just like Elle Macpherson without makeup on (played by Elle Macperson without makeup on) and go off to have a photographer capture farmboy's essence digitally, which looks kind of like this image to the right thanks to Raina's relaxation techniques, which looks just like coming on to a guy, strangely.

Meanwhile, we find out (at least I found out, I was paying attention) that Sonja has been out of the model scene having a baby. See, it's just post-partum poundage, all she needs to do is a little breastfeeding, right? I mean, she only gained two pounds, she says.

And, Sonja wants the job of wearing the silver sparkly Dolce & Gabanna mini for the ad so she's gotta sweet talk some photographer into getting her that gig.

More, including clips, after the jump.

Clip Bonanza -- CW's Melrose: Three Words: Heather Locklear, Signed (Yes!)

It's a done deal, according to Hibberd at THR Live Feed:

“We’re ecstatic to have the chance to bring Amanda Woodward back to ‘Melrose Place,’” said executive producers Todd Slavkin & Darren Swimmer. “Heather’s involvement in the show is something we’ve been working on for some time as we couldn’t imagine creating and producing this show without the iconic character’s inclusion.”

I guess they decided to pay her her rate, whatever that is. And thank the TV gods that they did, it will immediately provide a boost to the ratings, I betcha, even this week.

(Note: You really should check out the first couple eps so that you get comfortable with all the new characters and their connection to the old characters before Amanda comes in and just knocks them all back with a flash of leg and a flurry of bitchy remarks cutting people to shreds.)

So, what happens tonight? I've got clips after the jump.

Also, leave your comments on what you think Amanda will be up to. I have an idea that they might hook Amanda up with Ella's boss Caleb (Victor Webster, recurring, pictured left) who may or may not be into guys (that was kind of left purposely ambiguous in last week's exchange between him and his employee Ella after the Justin Barnes signing.

To see Amanda try to hook the possibly gay, possibly bisexual head of a Hollywood PR agency? I would kind of get a kick out of that.

Two preview clips (another Syd flashback and a pivotal scene from Jonah's music video shoot) from tonight and then a classic Amanda clip, so that you can kvell over the news.

Of course with all good comes a little bad ... you see a great Amanda clip but you have to suffer through Allison.

Video -- In Which I Admit to Being Sucked into Melrose Place by Katie Cassidy

I'm not proud of this. I certainly think of myself as a little more highbrow than this. I don't think I can help it, though.

Can't help what? Can't help but be drawn to the CW's Melrose Place reboot, all shiny and new with young hotties like Colin Egglesfield as chef Auggie (seen here to the left lounging in a puddle of water -- no, I don't know why --  from his modeling days) and Katie Cassidy munching on the scenery to my absolute delight.

Throw in a murder mystery and ...

I. Am. So. There.

I didn't expect to be sucked into this. I figured, like The Vampire Diaries, I would squint and cringe my way through the pilot, get all snarkerific about it and get on with the business of finding outstanding quality TV for you.

I was wrong.

It seems to me, especially while watching the second episode last night on the DVR, that they have my number ... drama, abs, catty bitchfests, triceps, flashbacks ... all timed so that, for example, the moment Ella (Cassidy) is finished reading someone up one side and down the other there's some hot guy (Egglesfield) rolling around on the floor with the former Mrs. Michael Mancini in a flashback to the night they met at an AA meeting.

(And while we're at it, let's all give some big ups to Laura Leighton who not only looks great but still has that ... you know ... thing that makes you wanna kiss her then slap her right across the face.)

Of course, I still can't say enough about how unfortunate it is for Ashlee Simpson-Wentz that she has to act after other people who actually know how to deliver a line. It would be better for her if she could act in a vacuum ... or maybe a very under attended one-woman stage show.

I'm just looking for a way to quarantine her acting skills. To make sure no one else catches that flat affect and slump that she employs while listening for her next cue.

(And why does she need a job, anyway? Aren't you people all out buying Fall Out Boy albums? I would be home with my baby if I was her.)

More after the jump, including a Colin Egglesfield behind the scenes clip where shirtlessness is promised but never delivered. The CW can be such a tease.

The CW Teen Vampires -- Brooding & Earnest vs. Sexy & Dangerous

Welcome to Mystic Falls, where all the teenagers are just slightly older than they should be. Except for the two above (Stefan left, Damon right), who are way way older.

And everyone you care about has an generically European name, like Stefan or Damon 0r Elena (below left), which is weird because the guys, at least in the books, are from Rennaisance era Italy. Here in the series they localize it to Civil War era United States.

Everyone else apparently comes from the San Fernando Valley. Probably because they actually do come from the Valley, btw. I mean, you can't run someone over on Ventura Blvd. anymore without spraying blood on a young ingenue whose Studio City condo mortgage isn't being paid by Daddy back in Alabama or Wisconsin or Shaker Heights, Ohio.

Not that I'm running over ingenues for sport in the Valley. Because that would be wrong.

About the image here below of Elena (Nina Dobrev) and Stefan (Paul Wesley), next week Stefan goes out for the football team. Shit, do they really expect us to believe that vampires play high school football. What happens when some guy gets injured and there's blood? Is Stefan gonna get all dizzy and purportedly nauseous like he did all through the pilot whenever blood was introduced?

And, get this, the episode title next week is Friday Night Bites. Ugh.

The name of the town in the books, btw, is Fell's Landing, but the legal types at The CW couldn't get the name of the town cleared legally. Which begs the question "How did the Gossip Girl producers get to use New York City but this show doesn't get to call the town in its show whatever it wants?

Okay, don't get hung up on that, because there's plenty more to get hung up on as we go along.

The basic deal here so far is this: Elena's and her brother Jeremy's parents die in a car crash. He spends the Summer doing drugs and hooking up with "the slutty girl" while she writes in her diary, breaks up with her boyfriend who she's just not passionate about and life is too short to be stuck in that kind of relationship, even at 17, I guess. School starts. We meet her very hot high school girl friends. New guy (Stefan) comes in, causing a stir among them.

Meanwhile, people are dying due to bites on the neck. Uh oh!

Then we find out Stefan's a vampire, but it's not him doing the killing he tells someone who shares his last name and is his "uncle" as far as the townspeople know but could not possibly be considering Stefan is an old vampire.

(The "uncle," btw, is a new addition from the book, too.)

More after the jump.

Video -- Melrose Place Replays This Friday and Sunday on The CW

Why don't I have a link to the full episode of the pilot? Because it's not posted. Anywhere. Which I think is a big mistake.

Not everyone has a DVR, and not everyone remembers to record the show. Like me.

I forgot.

D'oh!

So, you can check it out again on Friday or Sunday on The CW, check your local listings. And, in the meantime I have a couple of Katie Cassidy clips after the jump. In my opinion, she'll be the breakout here.

Sure, she's been doing a bunch of TV lately (Harper's Island) but this is the most high profile thing she's gotten into and it should make her a household name.

Like spatula.

Or recessed lighting. That's a household phrase, actually.

Clips after the jump. The second one has Katie discussing the possibility of her character interacting with, wait for it, Amanda.

I wish they'd just announce already that Heather is shooting stuff for November sweeps, but I have no confirmation of that.

Yet.

Clip Bonanza -- CW's Melrose Place Tonight at 9: Three Critics, Almost Three Opinions

Fall is here ... leaves changing, school starting, Halloween candy already on display at Costco (I was there Sunday) and here comes the first big Fall test of the TV gods.

Back in the day I had no interest in Melrose Place. By the time I got around to even noticing the show it was that drama on which Heather Locklear wore ridiculously short skirts to work and then I didn't even watch an episode until it was revealed that Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer were fans.

There was a gay character but he turned out to be a eunuch for all intense and purposes so there wasn't really any there there for me, a thirtysomething Los Angeles area gay man. He wasn't like any of the gay men I knew from West Hollywood -- where was the meeting with his friends at The Abbey, the Tuesday nights at Revolver, the meth-fueled weekend sexcapades where you spend all of Sunday evening wiping the Crisco off your baseboards and molding?

(It WAS 1995, to not address the issue in the WeHo of '95 was ludicrous.)

All I knew is that it seemed the only person who was really working on that set was Locklear; working those skirts, working those caustic monologues aimed at Alison and working everyone else's very last nerve.

(Alison. Courtney Thorne-Smith, the worst working actress in all of TV history ... let us all pray that she hasn't squandered all that According to Jim money and she can move on with her life and maybe open a yarn shop in Idaho. It's the last place you'd find me, that's why I suggest it.)

So after that Seinfeld episode aired I watch one and I was done.

Fifteen years later and you know what everyone's talking about on the occasion of the show's return to TV, this time on The CW?

Heather Locklear. Again. Because apparently it's not Melrose unless she's slaying pretty people with that acid tongue of Amanda Woodward's.

Alan Sepinwall at the Newark Star-Ledger:

(L)ate in that first season, the "Melrose" producers realized it was time to suds things up. They brought in Heather Locklear as back-stabbing ad exec Amanda Woodward, turned nice guy Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro) into a cheating louse, and generally made everything bigger, louder and campier. Even for a non-soap-lover like me, it's hard not to admire the hypnotic, gonzo nature of the Locklear years, particularly the seasons that also featured Marcia Cross as insane doctor-cum-demolitions-expert Kimberly Shaw.

Of course, Marcia's living on Wisteria Lane right now with no chances of moving, but Heather is either ...

1. Sitting and waiting for The CW to pony up the big big cash for her return, or ...
2. Not waiting for The CW at all and having no intention of cashing in, which would be an easy route to a nice payday.

Depending on who you ask. Who knows.

More, including clips, after the jumperoo.

Discount Daytime Emmys on CW -- Except for Wendy, Quite the Mess

You know what the best thing about the Daytime Emmy awards was? It was Wendy Williams swaddling her breasts in Marc Bouwer.

Gyant Unplugged:

Wendy Williams graced the 36th Annual Emmy Awards looking AMAZING. The budding Television Personality was radiant in her Marc Bouwer full length gown as she posed for thousands of media outlets. And you already know she had the girls sitting front and center.

Talk about your Boom Boom Pow! How you doin', breastesses?

(And though Wendy wasn't part of the mess of this award show, there's enough hot mess action on her show for fans of the hot mess to gorge five days a week, so check your listings for her show in syndication.)

Once I saw Wendy walk the press line it all went downhill. And something happened last night at TV.com's Richard Lawson just can't fathom:

Not that the Emmy Awards really mean much--an awards bestower that never gave a single one to best-show-ever The Wire doesn't earn a lot of respect--but every year we hope that some light switch will be turned on and things will change. Alas, last night's Daytime Emmy Awards once again let us down. How? By giving an award to the damn View.

The award was for Best Talk Show Host, which means people like Sherri Shepherd and shrill little titmouse Elisabeth Hasselbeck have been singled out, on live national television, for doing the best job out of all their daytime talk show peers at saying interesting words and being informed and nimble interviewers. Which, no.

And of course he's right, but with Oprah being above it all and them slicing the talk show pie into entertainment and information, there's not much competition out there.

The best informative talk host? Tyra.

Tyra Banks. Yes, I'm serious.

The program itself, from the arrivals show on, was also a hot mess of trying to insert pre-taped interviews into a live show, Lara Spencer trying to work an off-the-shoulder thing that was just wrong, a bunch of soap actors I didn't know ... and a lot of channel switching to whatever else was on.

I tried though. I really tried.

Tom O'Neil has a list of major category winners at this link.

Ausiello Scoop -- Gossip Girl's Chuck Will Fulfill Your Boy-Wishes

Newsflash from Ausiello at Entertainment Weekly (who's much closer in age to the kids on these shows than I am), Chuck Bass will kiss a guy.

Not only that, but he'll do it so that his girlfriend (not the fabulously-tinged "GIRLFRIEND!" but girlfriend, you know the difference) Blair Waldorf will be considered to deliver the freshman speech for her NYU class of 2014, that is, if she gets all her classes senior year, which she probably won't because of scheduling conflicts arrising from her weekly sessions with Satan where she learns to destroy the lives of her frenemies.

Interesting, I've been doing some web research on the topic and can't find anything about the actual NYU freshman speech. At all. Anyone have more info?

The guy on the other end will be playing the head (hehehe, I said head) of freshman affairs at the school.

Of course, I've read that in the Gossip Girl books Chuck slides from one end of his socio-sexual continuum to the other with relative ease. That just doesn't happen on US television. Not even on The CW.

If Chuck and Blair were on Skins (BBC America, Thursday at 9 eastern) they'd be the boring, uptight couple in the group.

On Skins, Cook would probably beat the shit outta Chuck just for being Chuck. And Effy would slaughter Blair with just the turn of a phrase and a sideways glance.

Which is why I watch Skins. And not Gossip Girl.

Ausiello at EW: CW Quietly Preparing For a Mischa-less The Beautiful Life TBL

Michael at EW (who was on the CBS Morning Show on Emmy nomination day, would provide a link but there's nothing at CBS News or TV.com,  and did a great job, good for you M.A.) has a piece yesterday at his blog that producers and the network are casting the net for a recurring character that purportedly sounds in the description like the Sonja Stone character that Barton plays on the show.

A shame, really. I mean, no one has been buzzing about Mischa since the last unfortunate incident (the DUI) and from all accounts her work on this indie film Homecoming and this new show are both noteworthy for the good reasons.

I reported two days ago that the CW was pushing back production a week, but that they claimed it was because the sets weren't ready. Yeah, I didn't quite believe that, but conjecture and anonymous sourcing are two different things, and trust Ausiello's anonymous sourcing, he's been right in the past.

Interesting thing I found in the comments below Michael's post, a commenter referencing that this was a medical/dental issue. That deserves some research, huh? Hold on a sec.

Ah, I do find mention of dental surgery in two pieces online (of course, one of those is UK's Daily Mail, which I trust as much as I do a Republican to craft healthcare legislation).

Dental stuff CAN be a bitch. Dental surgery also sometimes requires aftercare meds. Aftercare meds can be a bitch, too. Not just the pain meds, sometimes there are anti-inflammatories and sometimes there are antibiotics. And, sometimes dentists don't know enough not to prescribe a certain drug from one category with another, not knowing they can create a perfect storm of AARGH! in your body.

Whatev. Give her some room to breathe. Watch the Sonja promo for the show in the clip after the jump.

CW Says Mischa Barton Ills NOT Reason For Series Production Pushback

However, it is awfully strange that the announcement came on the weekend, after the incident that made the news about Barton's medical issues that led to a 72-hour involuntary psych hold at Cedar's Sinai in LA.

Barton is one of the leads in The CW's The Beautiful Life TBL, which is an awkward title, yes, but The CW wants to make sure, apparently, that you quickly start calling it by its initials, as if that makes it a cooler TV destination.

I mean, who shows up for work on a Saturday to make that kind of announcement if it's not predicated on an emergency situation?

What's somewhat sad about all this is supposedly the movie that Barton had opening this weekend, Homecoming, was pretty well reviewed, especially her performance. Very bad timing for the producers of this indie and bad news for The CW.

It's kind of sad, also, that the producer of that indie is being a bit of a dick in the face of her troubles (NY Daily News):

"It's frustrating. And it's not ideal," producer Bingo Gubelmann told Usmagazine.com at the premiere. "It's frustrating, but I'm not going to sit here and trash her because we're young as a company and we've got to live and learn. ... I don't want to be known as the producer that will turn on any actress at the drop of that hat."

But while claiming he would play nice, Gubelmann rolled his eyes and added that while "it's hard to remember" why he chose Barton to star in his film, "because, you know, she's not here right now."

He added that he is unclear as to what happened to his leading lady. 

"Now, I haven't spoken to her yet because she's totally unreachable, so I don't know exactly what happened. I mean, I'm not as good at taking the high road as some people and yes, it would obviously be nice if she was here. Even just to hang out."

Ultimately, of course, it's most important that she recover from whatever is or was going on. Life before work.

THR says that the "mundane" reason the show's production has been pushed back (and it's only by nine days, btw) is that some sets weren't built in time for the start of shooting.

I betcha (can't be sure) that they could have found some kind of workaround and were planning on just that until Barton was removed from her home by police on Thursday.

Heroes and 90210 Adding "Hot Lesbian Storylines" for 2009-10

Hey gang, it's the easy and fun way to tip your hat at the gay and lesbian community that doesn't alienate gay-averse fanboys!

All you gotta do is make your hot chick a lesbian and ... no worries, right?

Wrong.

This is ridiculous, especially coming from Heroes where they quashed a gay storyline involving Claire's high school pal (remember Zach, played by Thomas Dekker, who was supposed to come out to Claire in the first season until everyone (including Dekker and his management) got cold feet?

Girl on girl is hot. Boy on boy sends you down the Nielsen ladder.

TV.com:

Claire is set to go to college in "Redemption," the title of the next volume which sees the Heroes returning to "normal" lives, and will be rooming with a pair of females -- Madeline Zima (Californication) and Rachel Melvin (Days of Our Lives). And because Girls Gone Wild and soft porn say it is so, the female roommates will be doing a little experimenting with each other.

How fucking lame is that? Like Tim Surette said at TV.com, it's cheap. And these writers should be aiming higher, much higher.

Not to be outdone, The CW has enlisted Rumer Willis to walk into the zip code of her upbringing (90210) and lay down some sapphic smack as well. This today from 90210 star AnnaLynne McCord (E! Online):

McCord said she doesn't know what Willis' storyline entails but wouldn't mind being a part of it.

"This is what I foresee," she said. "Naomi gets drunk, and she gets a little crazy. Liam's watching. Naomi wants to experiment. And then a little lip-on-lip action with Rumer Willis can't hurt anybody, right?

"How fabulous would that be," she continued. "They totally need to make it happen!"

I think I hear an actress dying for some additional attention, don't you?

And, btw, can we stipulate that Rumer Willis would not be getting acting parts if she were just some girl from the Valley? Can you say nepotism hire?

I thought you could.

Video -- Gossip Girl Signs Up Hilary Duff

She'll be Jessica Szohr's (Vanessa's) roomie in college next season when the show returns.

Perfect casting.

Hey, didn't she turn down a role in this originally? It seems to me that her name was bandied about when the show was first casting the leads.

Another reason it's perfect casting? Hilary seems to be in the part of her life where she does things that make the gossip page as well, like the story we ran a while back about her being shitfaced in an NYC restaurant and spouting off the the "little people" about what a star she was.

Click here for that.

From Ausiello at EW:

The actress-designer-pop chanteuse will play Olivia Burke, a movie star who enrolls at NYU in search of a traditional college experience. She ends up rooming with Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) so it's safe to say she'll be majoring in Drama!

Duff will debut in this season's fourth episode, slated to air Oct. 5.

They're calling it a multi-episode arc. Didn't they use the same words when they signed Michelle Trachtenberg? Hasn't she shown up every time since that they needed a little zazz?

Since NBC passed on Barely Legal from David E. Kelley, the Duff pilot that had her playing a prodigy attorney, she's free as a bird to do what she wants. I guess that NBC holding deal money stops now, though.

Not to worry, Duff has been selling her "Stuff by Hilary Duff" forever, she's certainly not hurting for coin.

You may have recently seen Duff guest on Law & Order: SVU as a kind of Casey Anthony clone in one of their ripped from the headlines episodes. I'm not sure why, but Hulu doesn't have and of the L&O shows posted, probably something that has to do with Wolf's deal with the network or maybe they think it would harsh the syndie ratings.

So, no L&O clip. Sorry.

I watched it. She's still solid on camera. Let's see if she can handle the fishbowl that is working on Gossip Girl.

Cobra Starship Video -- Gossip Girl Leighton Meester Can Sing?

The song is somewhat appropriately titled Good Girls Go Bad. I have never heard of the band, Cobra Starship, but it's a catchy, hooky dance track that you might enjoy.

This is her singing, isn't it? This isn't one of those Martha Wash - Zelma Davis Gonna Make You Sweat situations, is it?

Because that would suck. Actually, you can read more about it from Buzznet at this link, and it leads me to believe that this actor can actually sing.

I guess that this is the first single from the purported album from Meester which is planned for a Fall release, most likely to coincide with the season premiere of Gossip Girl on The CW.

It's after the jump so have at it, kids!

Video -- Katie Cassidy from Dark to Blonde, from Harper's Island to Melrose Place

Legacy alert. Her dad is teen heartthrob from my childhood David Cassidy. Just count the minutes now until they'll be calling the Partridge Family star and singer Katie's dad.

Harper's Island premieres tomorrow night on CBS. Haven't written much about it, but it's from creator Ari Schlossberg and Jericho's Jon Turtletaub and this time Jon sort of doesn't have to worry about the show sticking around on the CBS schedule as it ends in 13 episodes.

Robert Bianco in USA Today:

Harper's is a closed-ended, 13-hour mystery: And Then There Were None done for the Friday the 13th set. For the next three months, heads will quite literally roll as a serial killer slices, shoots and, in one particularly memorable murder, harpoons his way through the guests gathered for a wedding on a tiny resort island.

Then it's done, which means anyone can be the killer — or killed. There are limits: No show is going to dispatch all the major characters in the first few weeks and leave supporting players unscathed. But the premise does add a level of suspense you won't find in most TV mysteries.

However, the team would like to come back next year with another murder mystery limited series, so ratings are still key. And if they were looking for a lead actress with buzz, they could never have predicted how much buzz they would get out of Katie Cassidy, who jumps right from this to the high-profile revamp of Melrose Place for The CW scheduled for the Fall.

In fact, according to Katie, talking to Sal Masekela tonight on E!'s The Daily Ten, she starts shooting the pilot in three days.

(I hope to have that interview when E! posts it online later tonight or tomorrow.)

Also lined up for Melrose are originals Laura Leighton and Thomas Calabro (just signed two days ago) and newbies including Michael Rady from Swingtown and Pete Wentz's other half, what's her name.

(Re Calabro, every time I see him I think of that episode of Seinfeld. I love when Jerry says, "Oh that Michael, I hate him, he's just so smug." Wanna watch that Seinfeld clip, you can, at this YouTube link, though it's not of decent quality.)

But about Harper's Island, Tim Goodman at the SF Chron says:

It's not a wedding party you'd want to attend, but it might be one you'd want to watch. "Harper's Island" is ghoulish and scary fun (and you'll know for certain that it will end before it gets pulled off the air). In this current television environment, there's something about a finite ending that's appealing - and 13 weeks isn't too much of a commitment, especially if you have a DVR.

"Harper's Island" might end up being a guilty pleasure. It's got blood and sex and intrigue galore, and there are enough red herrings and frightening gotchas to spill the popcorn two or three times an hour.

The writing is just clever enough to probably make the killing-a-week conceit work. And if you're into watching a phalanx of almost-recognizable actors you've seen in work you can almost remember, this is the series for you. Beyond that, it's just plain fun.

And Katie stars as Trish Wellington, the bride in the story. Everyone comes to the Island t0 share her special day, and in the 13 eps there will be a murder a week.

(Insert standard "it's like Survivor meets I Know What You Did Last Summer" line.)

After the jump, a preview clip and an interview with Turtletaub. And when E! posts Sal's interview (if they do, sometimes they don't) I'll have that for you as well.

Video -- It's Me and One of the Most Beautiful Women on TV, Plus Ray Wise from Reaper

Yeah, I know, I can't keep my eyes open sometimes when I smile. All the cheek fat forces them closed.

That's me and NGTV's Carrie Keegan, she knows how to pose for pics.

No actual reason for this post, the picture just makes me happy.

Lemme click over to NGTV.com and see if I find a fun clip to post from them after the jump. How about that? There's an interview with Ray Wise from Reaper, which is in the news these days as it sits atop the list of CWTV shows on the bubble.

About that, Entertainment Weekly talks today to Bret Harrison, and here's a taste:

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Do you have any indication whether or not the CW will pick up the show?

Bret Harrison: I have no idea. I think they're going to let us know Tuesday morning or something. [Tuesday, May 13, is the day the CW announces its fall slate at its upfront presentation to advertisers.] We just finished shooting the last scene on Monday. It's really hard to say goodbye to the whole cast and crew when it's "Bye... maybe?" It's a weird emotion.

Great interview with Wise, it includes stories about David Lynch and Twin Peaks and he advocates for the legalization of marijuana.

Carrie is her usual cheeky self, which as you know, I adore.

Ray Wise hits on our girl big time. He gets Up Close and takes advantage of his location.

Enjoy!

Pete Wentz's Wife Cast in Melrose Reboot for CW

"All the pieces, pieces ... pieces of ... "

You fill that in however you want. She joins David Cassidy's daughter Katie and Michael Rady from last Summer's Swingtown in the cast.

And, you can see Ashlee and Pete in an upcoming CSI: New York (fronted by celebrity Republican and former Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump, Gary Sinise) where they play Bonnie and Clyde wannabees.

I would give you a clip of Ashlee acting on 7th Heaven from 2004 right about now, but I can't seem to find one.

The character is described in the Hollywood Reporter article as "a bright-eyed but shrewd small-town girl and recent L.A. transplant who has come to town with a secret."

That secret? That she lipsyncs all her lines on the show. Never actually speaks a word.

Kidding. It's that she has a new nose.

 

It kinda pisses me off when people get jobs for reasons other than the fact that they would do said job better than anyone else. There wasn't a real actress in all of the US who could bring the juice and be promotable?

The Hollywood Reporter article ends with this line:

Simpson-Wentz is repped by CAA and her father and manager, Joe Simpson.

Still? Really? Even Brooke Shields got rid of mom Terri eventually. Warner Bros. should be on alert.

High alert.

EW's Ausiello Was Right, Brittany Snow Heading the Gossip Girl Spinoff

He called it, you gotta give him the props.

THR.com:

Brittany Snow is set to topline the project, a prequel chronicling the wild teen years of Lily van der Woodsen (Kelly Rutherford) in Los Angeles during the 1980s.

Also cast in the spinoff is Shiloh Fernandez ("Jericho"). The two would be joining previously cast Krysten Ritter.

The spinoff centers on then-Lily Rhodes (Snow), who, after a falling-out with her parents, is forced to move in with her sister, Carol (Ritter), the black sheep of the family.

Overnight, Lily has to transition from a life of luxury and education at a wealthy Montecito boarding school to living deep in the San Fernando Valley she once made fun of and going to public school. Caught between two worlds, Lily dives into the fast-paced Sunset Strip and the Hollywood lifestyle of the '80s, journeying over the hill to a world of wealth and excess that used to be her own.

You'll meet young Lily in a flashback episode of Gossip Girl (backdoor pilot -- allegedly invented by Ben Silverman - HA!) on May 11th.

Where do you know her from? Click here. Because most of my readers did not see John Tucker Must Die or Prom Night, they were busy watching Battlestar Galactica reruns frame by frame to find hidden clues about the history of organic memory transfer. Because we geek out like that.

Clippage from, say, an episode of American Dreams? Not a chance, the clips at YouTube are all fanvids with loving sweeps across the visage of Milo Ventimiglia, which is not what you're looking for, at least not right now. But they're there, go look if you must.

How about a clip from the film she was in at Sundance, called The Vicious Kind? 'Cause I totally have one of those and it's after the jump.

Melrose Place Reboot Director is Oscar Winning An Inconvenient Truth's Davis Guggenheim?

Sure, sure ... and Steve Jobs is loading my iPod with his playlist right here next to ...

Oh, this is true? Really?

Yeah, that's what the Hollywood Reporter says.

Did he lose a bet?

Well, he is Elisabeth Shue's husband. And Andrew Shue is a Melrose legacy. But I still don't get it. I'd be pitching great scripts to Fox Searchlight right now if I were him, they are flush with Slumdog money.

Or, maybe every Fox division is holding on their cash as the guard changes with Peter Chernin leaving in June. I dunno.

What's going on with the casting is another story, I hear lots about Heather Locklear and Grant Show (who was very good in Swingtown) and Lisa Rinna (who my 74-year-old father always asks, "Did someone just smack her in the mouth?") but nothing concrete except for the fact that Jennie Garth absolutely will not once again be the link between Melrose and 90210.

I have to ask, because I wasn't much of a fan of the original ... was Lisa Rinna a critical cast member? Didn't she show up in season five or six?

And, will her lips demand a trailer of their own?

Tori Spelling Plays Tabloid TV Reporter Warning of Aliens Among Us on Smallville

This works. This really works. I guess after years of watching her own dirty laundry on shows like Inside Edition Tori Spelling really has a bead of this kind of TV personality.

It's all in the voice, the inflection, the Nancy Grace-ness of it.

And I guess this is a return appearance. This happens on March 12.

Her 90210 scenes will start airing on April 14.

Diablo Cody wrote about her cameo on the show and seeing Tori on set at this link at Entertainment Weekly.

After the jump, see the Smallville promo and a clip from Hollywood.tv of Tori shooting 90210.

Video -- Rob Buckley is On CW's Privileged, Is He The Next Ted McGinley?

And once again, not this Rob Buckley, but this one in the picture, the one that risked slicing his skin on Kim Raver's face for a few episodes of Lipstick Jungle, which I don't really think will come back no matter what Angela Bromstad at NBC-Uni says.

(And sorry, Brit TV blogger Rob, but the former Robert Buckley seems to be wanting to go by Rob now, per the interview clip after the jump.

Because they have Leno five nights at 10, where's the room on the sked?

So, about him being the next Ted McGinley ... (Brianfinlay.Blogspot.com):

The key here is Ted McGinley ... (a)nd here is why! You ever heard of the 'Ted McGinley Curse'? It's a well known fact that he is often brought on to shows the moment they start to lose steam and go down hill. Just check out his record.

Ted McGinley IMDB page at this link.

And, word is that Privileged may not be long for The CW.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't gaze longingly into Rob Buckley's ... well, choose a bodypart.

It's after the jump.

Gossip Girl Prequel Spinoff Actually Sounds Like Something I'd Watch

You know why? Because it's a prequel, taking place in the 80s in Southern California I can connect to it, in a way I just could never connect to these ultra-rich teens on the Upper East Side of New York. Mostly because I was here in the 80s.

(Plus, I hate the east side. I don't even like getting on the 4, 5 or 6 trains when I'm in the city unless I'm way downtown. I'm more comfortable in the much less aggressively fabulous Upper West Side and I love the Fairway Market, but mostly for the cruising. And who can afford to do all their food shopping at Whole Foods, anyway?)

So, here's the scoop on the spinoff from Nellie Andreeva at the Reporter:

Written by (Josh) Schwartz and (Stephanie) Savage, the spinoff will center on young Lily Rhodes (her maiden name) who, after a falling out with her parents, is forced to move in with her sister, the black sheep of the Rhodes family. Overnight, Lily has to transition from a life of luxury and education at a wealthy Montecito boarding school to living deep in the San Fernando Valley she once made fun of and going to public school. Caught between two worlds, Lily dives into the fast-paced Sunset Strip and the Hollywood lifestyle of the '80s, journeying over the hill to a world of wealth and excess that used to be her own.

Eventually, she meets rocker Rufus Humphrey (played on "Gossip" by Matthew Settle) for a fling that will result in Lily's secret pregnancy, but "that wouldn't be for quite a while in the run of the show," Schwartz said.

Plausible? As much as anything else you might click over to on The CW. If there's any question if this could happen, I'm sure the moment Lily runs into a hair metal guy and Hoovers a line of Peruvian Marching Powder off his ass we'll all forget about all that and just take the journey.

So, who could plausibly play a 25-year-younger Kelly Rutherford (pictured above)? Does it make sense to look for a Blake Lively clone? You have any other better ideas? Leave a comment below.

90210 Turns Their Hot Female Cheerleader Bisexual -- Yawn!

So, that's what you've got for us, Gabe Sachs and Jeff Judah? Really? A teenage boy fantasy that you'll say makes the show gay-friendly?

Man, these people need some education. Where's the diversity trainer at The CW? Oh, that's right, that person got promoted to try and figure out what to do with Sunday nights.

I could tell them in this space everything that's wrong with what they're doing, but they are television professionals with long resumes and they know what they're doing.

I just don't happen to approve.

The young woman is Lauren London, and apparently she's prepped for her role on the show by posing for the cover of King Magazine and other photos like this one (check out the heels, girl!) and doing some time on Entourage and a couple films I didn't see.

But note this, Parents Television Council, which has been angling to get the show canceled since that first seen with Dustin getting a hummer in his Hummer (or whatever SUV it was), I'm not calling for the show to be canceled.

Mickey O'Connor at TV Guide:

In the Nov. 18 episode, Christina (Lauren London) was macking on Dixon pretty obviously during the Spirit Dinner and then again at the lacrosse game. "Who's that?" Silver asked, as Christina sashayed away in her miniskirt. But we'll discover in the Jan. 6 episode that Christina has a girlfriend. (Before you ask, the girlfriend is not played by Friday Night Lights' Aimee Teegarden; that's a different character and storyline altogether.) Christina is described as being bisexual by sources close to the show, which I'm guessing means that she'll also continue to carry a torch for Dixon. Confusing!

A bisexual cheerleader. Sounds more like a series that Joe Francis would produce.

Easy Money, Valentine Officially Canceled, Production Had Previously Been Stopped

And I never even got a chance to see Easy Money. It was on at the very very wrong time for me, scheduled against Fox cartoons, Dexter and True Blood (though I usually watch the latter two on VOD).

Nikki Finke's DHD:

I'm told that financier and producer Media Rights Capital has canceled two of the four shows it put on The CW after being given the rare opportunity to program a network's Sunday nights. Both Valentine and Easy Money had been put on hiatus with skeleton crews while more scripts were written. Now both series are on permanent hiatus, which is a nicer way of saying they've been cancelled.

That means that Laurie Metcalfe is available for a multi-episode arc on an established show. Last year she shot up the Desperate Housewives. This year, I think she should show up as Jean Smart's nemesis on Samantha Who?

Are you reading this, Bob Kushell?

Sorry, Jaime Murray, I don't have a job for you. Considering the hairstyles you had to act under on Valentine, can I suggest you spend every hour till pilot  season conditioning?

Because those rollers and curling irons and all that product will be the death of your hair.

You know, thinking about it, Laurie would be amazing as a rival meth cook to Walter on Breaking Bad. She's already in Albuquerque shooting Easy Money, it would be an easy get for them.

I have no idea what Dawn Ostroff's next move will be. That's a big chunk of the schedule on a high viewership night.

UK TV Viewers Will See How Inferior 90210 Is to E4's Skins Starting 2009

They may wear nicer clothes and live in beautiful homes in the sun-drenched Southern California, but those kids who live in the 90210 on The CW can't hold a candle to the gang on Channel 4's E4 channel program Skins (seen here on BBC America).

 And starting next year, you kids in the United Kingdom and hopefully a bunch of adults, too, will notice the same.

Variety:

Shows boosting tried-and-tested teen appeal — the edgy skein got off to a strong start for the CW — are few and far between, and Channel 4 is believed to have outbid rivals ITV, Five and Living for the program.

“90210” will air on Channel 4's youth-skewed digital web, E4, as well as the core service, from early 2009.

Despite reducing its acquisitions budget, Channel 4 will be pleased to have another show that can appeal to the hard-to-reach 16 to 34 year olds demographic.

So, where this Tuesday's 90210 will deal with Silver having a root canal before the big dance, the episode of Skins that will air on BBC America this Sunday is about Michelle's mom remarrying, again, and the upheaval in her life including a move to a new home and a new stepsister that doesn't seem to be interested in being friendly. All this while Michelle continues to deal with the fallout from her boyfriend Tony's bus accident and her conflicted feelings for him.

You see, it's just so much more dense, more complex, than life at West Beverly High School.

Last night's episodes of Skins here in the UK was another outstanding one centering on Sid (played by Mike Bailey, his first TV job, seen top left, next to Nic Hoult's Tony), who's seen his girl Cassie (above right with Sid) move to Scotland for school and his mom leave his dad for a crazed hypersexual German guy.

Then, Sid's paternal grandfather, that sonovabitch, shows up and since he doesn't know the situation the family comes back together for a short time. And then things just go south from there.

I would love to see E4 air Skins right before 90210. Maybe an American would see the two back to back and realize what crap we make in the teen drama genre.

You do realize that I only watch 90210 because the Parents Television Council is trying to get the show cancelled. It's certainly not some of the better TV that comes from the US.

Skins is some of the best TV I've seen, period.

Sid's video diary in a clip after the jump. All of my posts on the show at this link.

Around the Horn: Underwater, On the Campaign Trail & In the Halls of TV Power

UPDATE: About Joe the Plumber (see last night's  Prez debate or halfway down this post) OWES BACK TAXES!!! Yeah, that's right. What is it about Republicans and not wanting to pay for roads, schools, courts, public safety, etc.?

First up, we previewed Spongebob's Ray Liotta guest appearance two days ago, and apparently the kids just love the Liotta, with 7.7 million viewers watching the half hour special, making it the highest rated cable program of the night. Today, from Bill Gorman at TV By the Numbers:

While I know many of our readers bemoan the fact that the absorbent Bob often absorbs so many of the cable top 40 spots we see so that their favorite shows are pushed off our list, I, for one, appreciate him for the humbling reference point he provides for other cable programmers.

The next time you see that Mad Men drew 2 million viewers, or some other cable show touted as premiering to 1.8 million viewers, remember that we’ve seen weeks where seventeen different episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants exceeded 2 million viewers.

Well sure, but Don Draper has much better hair.

Actually, thinking about it, Liotta would be an interesting Mad Men guest star. But I digress.

Joe Biden was out on the stump today talking about last night's debate and Joe the Plumber (who by the way has no plumber's license and doesn't own his own company, and his first name really isn't Joe, it's Sam, per the State of Ohio).

Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 blog:

(O)n the topic of shots, Joe Biden has been taking a few of his own -- at Joe the Plumber...

"You notice John [McCain] continues to cling to the notion of this guy Joe the plumber," Biden said on NBC's Today show. "I don't have any Joe the plumbers in my neighborhood that make $250,000 a year that are worried."

"The Joe the plumbers in my neighborhood, the Joe the cops in my neighborhood, the Joe the grocery store owners in my neighborhood -- they make, like 98 percent of the small businesses, less than $250,000 a year," said the Democratic VP nominee...

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the mean annual wage for plumbers, pipefitters and steamfitters in the United States in 2007 was $47,350.

Biden's point was that McCain kept focusing on a man who was a statistical anomaly rather than an average American worker. Those people, Biden argues, "are going to do very well under us, and they're going to be in real tough shape under John McCain."

Go, Joe!!!

Finally, from the Pilot Log blog at the Hollywood Reporter, a rundown 0f what shows are solid, what's sketchy (on the bubble) and what's ready to go to that great TV show graveyard in the sky.

Click here for the rundown from the Reporter's staff, who are all plugged in to the halls of power and know what they're talking about.

That's all I got today. Maybe tomorrow we'll do all three item on, I dunno, how awful Tyra is.

UPDATED: First Time For Everything, I Deleted a Post By Mistake -- Valentine, Easy Money Stop Production

Duh.

It was about how they're shutting down production on Easy Money and Valentine.

I said something about how it wasn't a good idea to give a whole night over to a third party in the first place. And then a bunch of snide stuff directed at Dawn Ostroff, something about putting all your eggs in one basket.

And I used the pic with the cast of Valentine that you can see all over the web.

Just imagine what I might have said.  Or don't. Your choice.

Really, not missing too much.

(Source)

UPDATE: I was thinking about this. How did they expect to promote these shows on their channel to their demographic which isn't the same, and expect the kids to come watch? I love Laurie Metcalfe (saw her live off broadway in Balm in Gilead, she was magnificent) but she's not a draw for the Gossip Girl crowd. And Valentine was for women 25-54 and frankly if they spent a lot on it you certainly didn't see it on the screen. Or on the page. Even the opening credits were weak. They must have spent all the money on Jaime Murray's hair.

Valentine on The CW -- Nice Premise, Sketchily Executed

Because I've been intrigued with the whole idea of The CW handing off it's Sunday to Media Rights Capital to produce and program, I thought I would check in on Valentine, the somewhat comic, somewhat romantic, somewhat plausible series starring Dexter season two star Jaime Murray and featuring Autumn Reaser and Christine Lakin, among other that you probably don't know (I didn't).

Not a bad premise -- the Gods do exist (do they have to live in the Mt. Olympus section of West Hollywood? And if they do, will they be exploring some gay and lesbian love?) and in particular those Gods involved in getting us all matched up are not as busy as they once were. Something about us regular people not being loving enough anymore, I think.

The Fates (not a family or a group of people but a concept) will stop employing thes Gods to perform this task unless they adapt to life as it exists presently, so Aphrodite (Murray) hires on a romance novelist (Lakin) in the pilot to shake things up.

Reaser plays an oracle who looks into a fountain to tell the crew, including two guys I have never seen on TV before, what they need to do to achieve their goal. Murray waxes romantic while sporting the most time-intensive hairdos you have seen on TV since Lucy and Ethel tried to sneak into Ricky's show at the club.

And it's fine, you know. Fine doesn't quite make it for me on a Sunday night that has so many viewing choices, but it's fine.

Just fine.

Just fine.

Nothing more.

TV Guide Channel talked to Murray and there's a clip after the jump.

Top Model's Jay Manuel & J. Alexander Get CW Makeover Spinoff Show

Gayer than Christian Siriano playing Elle Woods in Legally Blonde: The Musical.

Gayer than Mark Foley conducting a boys choir.

Gayer than Bob Allen and Larry Craig cruising the toilets at the Republican Convention.

Gayer than a gay men's choir singing selections from La Cage Aux Folles.

Gayer than having a child by in vitro with the sister of uber-producer David Foster.

Gayer than the corner of Santa Monica and San Vicente.

Gayer than David Crosby donating sperm so you can make a baby.

Gayer than the dresser drawer where I keep the leather stuff I haven't worn in years.

Gayer than the rest of my "gay apparel," including the stuff that's sparkly (that I never wore, I just bought the stuff to make myself feel better).

More on Operation Fabulous from James Hibberd at the Reporter at this link.

Demonstrative clip after the jump.