I Am A TV Junkie

Video: Conan Key Art From TBS -- Hooters?

Okay, just one hooter.

It's now just 10 weeks until the debut. See Conan's crappy office in this clip (click here).

Watch a promo by clicking this.

The hair? It's getting monumental. Is there scaffolding behind that wave of red hair?

Conan O'Brien's Favorite YouTube Clips

Wanna see 'em? They're all at this link.

Less than six months until Conan returns to our TVs on TBS, show premiere date is November 8.

That Other Bomb, in Washington at the Correspondents' Dinner ...

More from Keith Staskiewicz at Entertainment Weekly, at this link:

Watching Obama deliver one-liners made me think that, if this whole president thing doesn’t end up working out, he might be a good replacement for Leno.

Then there was Dan Abramson at HuffPo:

If you like your jokes covered in bland gravy with a side of telegraphed punchlines, then Jay Leno's White House Correspondents Dinner was a feast for the funny bone. But if "mother-in-law jokes" aren't your thing, then Leno's performance may have left you wondering why the meal stopped after the appetizers.

Richard Zoglin at Time:

Maybe it was the big laughs Obama drew that unnerved Leno, because he seemed off his game from the get-go. He started at top speed, rushed his lines, seemed too tied to his notes (no Tonight show Teleprompter) and made little effort to connect with the crowd in any real sense.

Walter Shapiro at Politics Daily:

Leno's humor was about as edgy as a Bob Hope USO routine. Typical was this (stop me if you've heard it before) bit about Obama: "He has had a share of stress. Tough economy, two wars, health care fight, Iran, North Korea, his mother-in-law moving in with him. I think that would break most men." Nothing like a good mother-in-law joke to feel so 21^st century.

And of course tonight you can watch Conan talk about Jay to Steve Kroft on 60 Minutes. It'll be the highest rated episode of the broadcast since just after 9/11 I predict.

Wanna see a clip from that? Click right here.

This might turn out to be the weekend Jay Leno jumped the shark. Let's sit back and see if that happens!

I'm On the Phone Trying To Buy @ConanOBrien Tickets (#imwithcoco)

Conan in San Diego, April 29th and I'm planning on being there.

Date was announced in the Union-Tribune this AM but no show page yet at Ticketmaster, so I'm listening to the SD Civic Theatre recording right now to see if they say anything about it.

They don't.

I don't need to sit in Conan's lap ... okay, I need to sit in Conan's lap. When do THOSE tickets go on sale?

Actually, I try to sit at best two-thirds back in the orchestra section so as not to block too many audience members with my massive head and enormous height.

So, I'm on Conan detail today ... will let you know how that works out.

#ConanOBrien "I'm Literally With Coco" Tour Possibilities?

Yes, they should call it the I'm Literally, Actually With Coco Tour.

The Hollywood Reporter has a speculative piece on a Conan O'Brien live tour, which would of course skirt the restrictions on appearing on TV yet still allow him to promote whatever it is that he is going to do after the August 31 or September 1 (can't really figure out which) date that he agreed to when signing the deal with NBC to protect his staff and pay him off for treating him like yesterday's shit.

Yes, speculative, although they do mention someone privy to negotiations of the kind who doesn't wanna be named. As usual. Hate that.

Here's what I think ... I think Conie-Onie and Fox probably already have something agreed to in principle and this is coming out of some sort of promotional strategy meeting for the show. I have no confirmation of that but I've been around long enough to know that this kind of thing doesn't get leaked on a Saturday f0r no reason.

Fox shows already have experience going on the road, what with the Idol and SYTYCD tours, so they probably have all the people and info in place they need to consider this.

And, it's a great idea, especially good if they can get cranking fast and get Conan onto some big college campuses quickly. It is already mid February. May comes fast.

I would also make sure that Conan had a graduation speech gig this season, either in NYC or LA. In fact, it would be a good idea if that gig was at UCLA -- lots of press access, Fox could send someone cheaply to video the event and get it online (if that avenue hasn't already been blocked by the NBC contract).

Why UCLA? Because USC is stocked with rich kid pampered pigs and Conan is a man of the people, despite his Harvard degree.

It can't be Harvard, they're going with David Souter.

UCLA doesn't announce their commencement speaker until March 1, so they still have time to work something out. Maybe.

Leno's Amazingly Tone Deaf Comment To Oprah: Talking To Conan "Didn't Seem Appropriate"

But, apparently, Jay did think it was appropriate to steal the man's job. That's no way to revive you reputation. That's what this whole Oprah interview is supposed to be about, isn't it?

Didn't seem appropriate, or had the potential to be such the awkward and potentially explosive confrontation that he just didn't want to do it?

Is Jay Leno ... a pussy?

Fact: Jay agreed to leave The Tonight Show.

Fact: Jay went to primetime and failed.

Fact: Jay's failure led to local news ratings disaster that led to Conan's ratings not being what they could or should have been.

Fact: Jay has worked in TV forever and knows how all this works, whether he admits it or not.

So why not man up and admit failure and move on with one's life? I don't think Jay has it in him. He apparently needs the attention. Well, what other reason can you come up with, he has more money than God (but still probably not more money than the Catholic Church), in fact he claims he hasn't ever touched his NBC money.

Watch the preview clip at this link. No embed codes, the link will take you over to YouTube. It airs tomorrow, check your local listings.

Hey, I haven't had a reason to watch Oprah in a while, this should be good.

You know, I've just been thinking while proofreading this post (yes, occasionally I proofread, not often but sometimes). Do you think Jay's failure to recognize his failure and leave TV is actually Jay not wanting Dave Letterman to have a longer career than him? Is there still that level of competition and animosity between the two?

I think that might just be it.

Oprah: "America has taken sides and a lot of people are not on your side. Did you ever ask yourself, 'Am I being selfish?'"

Well, did he? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

I would love to hear what Peter Lassally, who was Johnny Carson's producer and is now the exec producer of Craig Ferguson's show, has to say on the subject, but I imagine Mr. Lassally is too much of a gentleman to get involved in such things.

Does The TV.com Staff Hate Conan O'Brien?

No, I don't really think so. But, they have some interesting ideas for Coco now that he has free time. They are suggesting today some shows that could use a little Conie-Onie to raise their profiles, their laugh quotients and maybe get a pickup for a new season.

But seriously, people, would you really subject him to working at Two And A Half Men? Really?

At that site today, "Dear Conan, please prove that 14 bazillion people can be wrong by bringing true wit to Two and a Half Men."

Now why would you wanna do that to someone you like? I feel bad enough for Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell.

And Charlie? He has enough problems right now, let's not even bring him into this.

You know who should have a great career after the show ends, though? Angus T. Jones, who has some of the best comedy timing on TV and doesn't seem like the type of child star that ends up robbing banks to support his Peruvian marching powder habit.

The show is one of those that I end up watching when spending time with my parents. You know, just like NCIS.

But I enjoy NCIS.

Video -- Conan Leaves With Style: "If You Work Really Hard and You're Kind, Amazing Things Will Happen"

And it all ends with a little Lynyrd Skynyrd from Will Ferrell and friends (including Beck).

Now he's as free as a bird, starting September 1st.

Video -- Has It Come To This? Conan Accepting Handouts From NBC Colleagues?

Apparently so. Community's Joel McHale makes the offer on last night's Tonight Show.

Watch it by clicking here. Then watch part two of the interview at this link.

And of course, Soup's on tomorrow at 10 eastern, Community at 8 tonight on NBC.

Check out Chevy Chase's appearance on The Soup from last Friday at this link.

Conan's Deal is Really Really Really Done. Now. Finally.

Joint statement from Conan O'Brien and NBC:

NBC and Conan O'Brien have reached a resolution of the issues surrounding O'Brien's contract to host "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien."

Under terms of an agreement that was signed earlier today, NBC and O'Brien will settle their contractual obligations and the network will release O'Brien from his contract, freeing him to pursue other opportunities after September 1, 2010.

O'Brien will make his final appearance as host of "The Tonight Show" on January 22.

Details from Adalian at TheWrap.com:

Among the final sticking points, according to reports in recent days, was severance for O'Brien's staff. There were other issues as well, insiders said.

"In the end, Conan was appreciative of the steps NBC made to take care of his staff and crew and decided to supplement the severance they were getting out of his own pocket," Polone told TheWrap. "Now he just wants to get back on the air as quickly as possible."

NBC reps couldn't immediately be reached early Thursday. (Update: An NBC rep, reached early Thursday morning, declined comment.)

O'Brien will end his seven-month stewardship of a national institution Friday, unwillingly handing back custody of an iconic television brand badly bruised by a series of management missteps breathtaking in their ineptitude.

As my sis says to the Conan staff, "Have fun getting a job in LA."

Video -- Zucker on Charlie Rose: "In Conan's Current Contract There's No Guarantee of Time Slot"

 

Yet another day of Jay/Conan haranguing with NBC holding up execution of Conan's departure deal for some reason, Jay trying to burnish his image before he moves back to late night and Jeff Zucker showing up on Charlie Rose's show to ... well, I'm not quite sure what he's up to, does he really think he's gonna have this job after all this crap?

Still, never let it be said that Zucker didn't have something to add. He always seems to have something to add, not that it usually helps.

Watch Jeff on Charlie by clicking here.

Jay got serious about all this mess last night on his own show, click here to see that.

In particular I was interested in this quote:

"Don't blame Conan O'Brien. Nice guy, good family guy, great guy. He and I have talked, and not a problem since then," Leno said.

Jay mentions this "family man" thing a lot. A LOT! You know who isn't a family man? Jay himself. He and Mavis have no kids.

(I also have a problem with people using the term "family man" when there are a bunch of men -- like me -- who aren't allowed in this country to marry and have kids of their own. But that's a different post for a different time.)

BTW Jay, no one is blaming Conan. Most people are blaming you. Nice attempt at deflection, but it just doesn't wash. You're not entirely to blame, either, Jay. Most people just think you've had your time in the sun and it's time to leave, simple as that.

The fact that you can't? That makes you seem like the last guy to leave the party, and no one, NO ONE likes that guy.

Speaking of Conan's last show, there's been talk of Howard Stern coming in to spout off on NBC and Leno on Friday. Howard's been very vocal about this on his own radio show.

I think there's a possibility that Conan's deal is being delayed to in some way prevent all that from happening.

We'll see.

Conan Deal Struck: He's Paid $30 Million To Walk Away

TheWrap.com has all the details, but the big number is $30 million.

It would be nice if that money came right out of Jeff Zucker's bank account.

This is one of the most colossal failures in modern corporate history. Hell it's a bigger failure than New Coke.

Somewhere those Comcast people gotta be wondering what they got themselves into.

His last show may be a week from tonight, that's yet to be confirmed.

Oh No! Hitler Is Pissed About These Late-Night Talk Show Shenanigans

What a Dick (Ebersol)! He Calls Conan "Chicken-Hearted and Gutless"

You know who Dick Ebersol is, he's the guy who ruined Saturday Night Live in the early eighties, he's married to Susan St. James and he carries water for NBC.

He's Chairman of NBC Universal Sports and Olympics and a friend and underling of Zucker's. And, as I said, a lifer and a corporate water carrier. And he's pictured here to the right.

So, what's his beef? Let's go to the NY Times article and find out (hat tip to Adalian at TheWrap.com):

Referring to the pointed jokes made this week by Mr. O’Brien and David Letterman of CBS, Mr. Ebersol said it was “chicken-hearted and gutless to blame a guy you couldn’t beat in the ratings.”

He added that “what this is really all about is an astounding failure by Conan.” Mr. Ebersol is a veteran at the network, with a longstanding relationship with NBC Universal’s embattled chief executive, Jeff Zucker. Mr. Ebersol also has a deep link to the network’s late-night history, having been a creator of “Saturday Night Live,” and he has been frequently consulted on changes in NBC’s late-night lineup.

What a load of shit! And, it's not something I feel one should say when one represents a network that goes about having their talent sign contracts that end up meaning nothing. NOTHING!

That is gutless and chicken-hearted. When a corporation makes a decision they should stand by it. NBC is not standing by Conan and not standing by the letter or spirit of the legal contract they signed with him.

This is all posturing and the edge on it is based on the fact that the Zucker camp knows this is the biggest FAIL of his entire tenure. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff send Ebersol out to the press himself with a mandate to beat up Conan.

I also think they're trying to push back on the animosity being created against Leno in the public sphere. This is NOT the way to do it.

Where is Comcast's Brian Roberts through this whole affair? Is it not far enough along into the Comcast deal for Roberts to be getting involved? Do they not really care at all about the broadcast division as the pundits pointed out when the deal was announced?

Note to Comcast: No matter where the profit centers are at NBC-Uni, NBC itself will always be the leader in the eyes of the media and the viewers. You need to take care of your broadcast division.

Rosie O'Donnell is right. Yesterday, during the TCA session for HBO (she's promoting a new special on the network) she told the press (E! Online):

"I have been a big fan of Conan O'Brien," she said. "The Tonight Show is a franchise that has been 60 years with NBC, and if you're privileged enough to be asked to drive the bus, you should say, 'Thank you,' and drive it to the best of your ability, and when it's time for them to hire a new driver, you should say, 'Thank you for allowing me to drive this for as long as I did,' and pass the keys to the new guy with red hair, and not try to flatten his tires before he even gets going."

As for Leno, there's no love lost there. She thinks he should do the right thing and step aside to allow O'Brien both the time and space to shine.

"I think he's a fantastic talent and 17 years he gave to that network and they really did a disservice to him," she said of Conan. "I think shame on Jeff Zucker and really, shame on Jay Leno.

"I think he's forgotten his roots and what stand-up comedy is about, and graciousness has never been his No. 1 quality," she said, referring, no doubt, to his rejection of NBC's mid-'90s idea to have O'Donnell serve as the Joan Rivers to his Johnny Carson and fill in as the Friday night guest host of the Tonight Show.

"I think it would serve him well to think about what might happen if he were able to let go and grab on to whatever the next rung is."

See, that's the point. NBC can say all they want about Conan's alleged ratings failure.  I say "alleged" because one will never really know how Jay's Tonight Show would have rated during the past seven months.

There's much more competition for one, and then you must consider the overall downfall of the network which has led to lower numbers across the board.

And whose fault is that? One can only look to Zucker and the big mistake of hiring Ben Silverman to take a job for which he was supremely not qualified.

Knight Rider. Kath & Kim. My Own Worst Enemy. Crusoe. Kings. And so, so many more.

Ranker.com: Their List of Top Ten Worst TV Network Decisions

Apparently the folks at Ranker.com (LINK) don't remember or aren't young enough to have experienced that day in the Fall of 1968 when NBC decided to cut away from the Jets-Raiders game to air a TV movie version of Heidi.

This whole Leno/Conan kerfuffle will soon be right up there with these messes, however.

List of Top 10 Worst TV Network Decisions on Ranker

Preview Video -- Letterman Weighs In, Suggests New Dick Wolf Pilot To Cure NBC Woes

And Finally, From Conan (Officially) ... Sounds Like a Resignation to Me

He says today, via PR Newswire:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

It sounds like a resignation letter to me. How about you?

Video -- Meanwhile, Conan Examines His Options Before The Nation

Watch it by clicking here.

Click over to the Zanies Comedy Club site at this link.

Use the comment section to tell us your recommended Conan O'Brien porn name.

I'm going with Strutt Gingerson.

Today Show Video -- NBC's Gaspin: "I Think We've Learned The History of 10 O'Clock Is Still to Be Written"

 

You know what that quote tells you? It tells you that even a regular middle-class guy from Queens who went to SUNY Binghamton can pull quotes out of his own ass and try to make himself sound smart.

Yea, state schools are finally providing corporate executives the same bullshitting skills as the Ivy League that they need to get ahead!

Now, wtf did he mean? Well, he meant nothing, naturally. He meant to say something that meant nothing. That's solid corporate exec speak. Impressive.

Listen to it at the end of clip, which you can watch after the jump.

Of course there's nothing to say until Conan decides what he's gonna do. It's the only game piece on the board that hasn't been moved. Imagine the pressure, it must be brutal being him today.

Video -- Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel Takes Viewer Questions on Late Night Crisis 2010

Including one from this somewhat familiar looking guy. Check it out by clicking here.

Previously Kimmel hosted another non-ABC employee in what you can now call the beginning of all this crap.

Watch that by clicking here.

NBC's Jeff Gaspin Confirms Leno Back In Latenight; Reports Give Conan 50/50 Chance of Staying at Peacock

And, there's a new Law & Order in the works. Seriously. Another one. But first ...

The speculation is over. Not that analysis but the speculation. I betcha there's gonna be lotsa people analyzing what went down here for a time to come.

Including me.

NBC Entertainment chief (and SUNY Binghamton grad) Jeff Gaspin shared with THR's Hibberd and reporters at NBC's Television Critics Assn. session this AM that Jay would be moving back to late night after the Winter Olympics air on the network, telling the group, "My goal right now is to keep Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon as part of our late-night lineup. As much as I'd like to tell you we have a done deal, we know that's not true."

Other changes to come according to Gaspin (image right):

On the programming side, Gaspin confirmed the pickup of several pilots and announced the network will develop a Los Angeles-based "Law & Order." He also announced that the network would return to a traditional upfront presentation on May 17th, and would air Jerry Seinfeld's reality series "The Marriage Ref" coming out of the Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony. 

"I almost don't care how quickly it happens, as long as it happens," Gaspin said of his goal to improve the network's lineup. "As long as I see an hour going up instead of going to the side or down, I'll be happy ... In some cases going back to basics is the smartest play."

L&O: LA should be the last of the franchise, hopefully. Not that I don't enjoy the shows, I just think my mom spends too much time watching people get murdered on TV and Dick Wolf shows are her crack cocaine.

More after the jump.

Conan O'Brien -- The Incredible Mr. Fox?

We're now on the third day of this remarkably newsworthy story about NBC's late night schedule. I must say that when I first posted about it I was doubtful that there was an iota of truth in all this but I guess I was horribly wrong and that FTVLive.com had it right from the start.

(Still, their landing page at the site is just so ugly and unsophisticated and ... ugh! ... that I didn't buy it for a while, not until Harvey Levin started following the story. Yeah, yeah, say what you will about Harvey but he has solid sources. I don't like him and I don't think the world would be worse off without TMZ but you gotta give them props for their sourcing.)

Yesterday Jay made some remarks about the rareified air at the Fox Network and apparently today all the attention is turning to Conan.

In particular, this moment of video from his show last night (LINK). Detail in the image above.

And Jay was back with more yucks about all this last night as well (LINK) with a li'l dig at Dave Letterman.

Is anyone thinking just a bit, maybe having a flash of maybe-possibly-couldbe that this is just all a PR ploy? Isn't the last time we spoke so much about Jay and Conan probably the day before the Letterman extortion scandal broke?

Could they? Would they? Nah ... you don't think .... well, they wouldn't actually ...

Or would they?

More after the jump.

Video -- Jay Leno on Cancelation Rumors: "I Hear Fox is Beautiful This Time of Year"

Okay, Jay, I get the joke. And it's certainly gonna be easier for Jay to laugh at the current buzz created from yesterday's news than it will be for Conan.

Watch it at this link.

Have you noticed that in all the talk bandied about that it's always said that Jay will move back to late night but the talk ends there? What about Conie-Onie? 

NBC said this today to Marketwatch.com:

"We remain committed to keeping Conan O'Brien on NBC," the network stated late Thursday. "He is a valued part of our late-night lineup, as he has been for more than 16 years and is one of the most respected entertainers on television."

Once again that's a pretty weak statement. If I were Conan I would be looking for more support than that.

I can't imagine that NBC could find a way to undo all the deals they made on the way to their current late night schedule. Conan can't just go back to his old show, Jimmy Fallon is sitting at that desk.

Fallon certainly can't go back to making movies. Please, entertainment gods, please don't let Jimmy Fallon go back to making movies. For the sake of the movies, please!

BTW, I don't know if anyone's said it yet, but if Jay's show isn't doing well maybe it's because of the guests lately, like good ol' Big Ass Kim above (big ass, sex tape, fame, wtf?), Kate Gossellin, that bitch Jillian from The Biggest Loser, the Jersey Shore guidos ... these are not the big big stars that we were promised.

(I mean -- and this is not a diss -- Kim was on The Wendy Williams Show. Jay should be able to book better than Kim. And Snooki was on Wendy's show even before Jay's.)

The only update I have today on this situation comes from Hibberd at the Reporter who has a solid analysis of the issues at play here from every angle, including:

Any change on "Leno" would represent an embarrassing about-face after NBC's numerous public statements pledging to give Leno months, even years, to grow into the slot; the net always emphasized that the show was a 52-week strategy.

The retreat also could represent a serious blow to NBC's executive leadership as its ownership shifts from GE to Comcast, especially since "Leno" impacted the network precisely as industry experts predicted -- and performed in its time period precisely as network execs repeatedly claimed that they anticipated, including in a statement Thursday morning.

That wasn't lost on Leno, who took a series of shots at NBC in his monologue Thursday night including, "What does NBC stand for -- never believe your contract?" He also suggested he might switch networks. "If we did get canceled, it will give us time to do some traveling," he said. "I understand that Fox is beautiful this time of year."

I am so trying to resist doing the I Told You So dance.

I did, though.

Tell you so, that is.

One more thing ... we aren't the only country having tumult in our late night TV arena, Jonathan Ross has announced he's ending his relationship with the BBC. Many people are very happy about that, Ross has not endeared himself to his countrymen lately with a couple instances where they felt like he should shut his big mouth.

I don't care much about those issues, I just don't like his show. More specifically I don't like him. He's caustic, adversarial and not funny. As my British friends would say, a total wanker.

How he got to be the host of anything is beyond my understanding.

More on the late night wars as they progress.

Clip Bonanza -- Jersey Shore's Snookie and The Situation Last Night on Conan, Full Ep. 3, After Hours ...

 

Hey, those two girls from Jersey Shore, Snookie Polizzi and Mike The Situation Sorrentino were on Conan last night.

That's right, male version of butterface, I'm talkin' about you. Can't get all mopey and sulky about losing a girl to some other guy without taking some shit from a non-trad older gay Guido born in Brooklyn, dude. You just can't.

You lose Sammi to a bigger, better-looking guy and you gotta move on or else this happens. Wait, everyone hold still, can I hear him saying something like, "Who's this fag calling me out"?

Dude, whatev, you lost Sammi to Ronnie, dude. Your words bounce off me.

Then again, with all those hormones running through your body (and entering through a needle or patch -- allegedly, I said allegedly) I'm not surprised you get moody like that.

And, you almost burned down the Shore house last week. What's up with that, men know how to grill!

And Sammi, you're movin' on anyway tonight, aren't ya? That was fast, babe, gonna get a reputation like JWoww's that way.

Check out the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator at this link. Andy's nickname turns out to be Juicebox. Seems more like an alternative nickname for JWoww.

Mine is J-Muscle. Well, it might have been in the 90s, but I'm older now. Could have been J-Lube in the 90s also (if you don't get that joke I'm not explaining it).

More after the jumperoni including Conan clips, the full episode 3 and episode one of Jersey Shore After Hours, the new wrapup show hosted by Julissa Bermudez.

How to Make a Geek Sweat, a Photo Lesson Featuring Megan Fox

Watch the interview (both parts) in clips after the jump. Then go buy your Red Lobster gift cards.

Jennifer's Body opens today in theatres. Megan hosts the season premiere of SNL with musical guest U2 a week from tomorrow.

Video -- Meanwhile In Late Night, Jennifer Aniston Wears Yet Another Extremely Short Skirt to Promote a Film

The movie is the very ill-titled Love Happens.

Yeah. So does shit.

Jen, once one of my favorite people to see pop up on my TV, pops up again, in a really really short skirt, again, to promote a movie that will suck.

Again.

Who is picking these films that she does? And why do we have to be on vagina watch every time she shows up on a talk show?

Yet enough of you are still interested that if I post the clip you'll come. It's after the jump.

Was Jennifer on Conan on a Tuesday instead of Jay on a Thursday because she's just not much of a draw anymore? Because certainly if it was a great film and a truly big star the interview would have happened on Thursday in primetime.

Halle Berry is Jay's Thursday guest. She doesn't even have a movie coming out anytime soon, though she is rumored to be pregnant.

And Jennifer doesn't even get top billing in a film where the male lead is Aaron Eckhardt, who I enjoy looking at but who certainly isn't a big box office star.

Video -- Ladies & Gentlemen, Mr. Jon Hamm (on Conan), Who Claims to Be 75 Years Old

Nah, not a day over 50. 40?

He's 38. But here's a story you may not have heard, can't remember where it comes from, but Jon couldn't get role playing people his age in his 20s because he already looked too much like an adult. Well, he does sport the 5 O'Clock shadow pretty quickly.

There's a great Tracy Morgan story toward the end of the interview. Did you know that Leslie Uggams and Burt Bacharach are Tracy's biological parents? No?

Mine are Ted Turner and Stella Adler, but don't tell anyone. It was a secret affair, but it speaks volumes about my interests.

Clip after the jump. Mad Men returns Sunday night at 10 on AMC. Conan's on every night, but you know my late night heart belongs to only one man, and the Give Us This Day Our Daily Craig post is coming up in a little bit.

2-Part Video -- Before I Go, Let Me Class Up The Joint With a Little Meryl

I find that a little Meryl Streep does the trick just fine.

Inviting old college friends over for a rub-your-nose-in-it dinner? Meryl.

Meeting the future in-laws? Meryl.

Making people pay to hear Pierce Brosnan sing? Meryl.

See, it works.

Clip after the jump from last night's Tonight Show. In two parts. This is actually just slightly less Meryl that I need to class up this joint.

(Whaddaya expect with my making the occasional fart joke?)

Ferguson Video -- The New King of Late Night? NBC Bites, The Nation Bites Back, Fast!

I know it wasn't my good close personal friends that do the press for NBC that are to blame. I blame Zucker, it's just the kind of thing he would press.

What happened is this ... Dave beat Conan on Wednesday, then Conan beat Dave on Thursday. On the heels of moving back to the top spot for the time period NBC immediately sent out a release calling Conan "the new king of late night."

Because of that one day.

Because it's NBC. Because they got nothing else to crow about lately. Because they still can't get the icky film off their bodies that was left by Knight Rider.

Surely this was an edict that came down from on high. I can't imagine any publicist for a show would leave the show that open to ridicule after the fact.

And the ridicule is coming from everywhere, including ...

Joe Adalian, TV Week -- "OK, so TV MoJoe likes the Conan. And we've been pretty consistent in warning against reading too much into the overnight household ratings for the latenight daypart-- both when "The Tonight Show" premiered strongly, and when "Late Show" rallied back last week.

It was no surprise, then, that O'Brien would end up trouncing Letterman when the final numbers came out. Good for Conan. And good for NBC, which actually did a great job launching the show from a marketing and PR point of view.

But then NBC this morning goes and puts out a release declaring "Conan the New King of Late Night."

Really, NBC? Really?

It's one week, people. Lots will change. NBC insiders have said they plan to measure O'Brien's success in years, not weeks or months.

And from Craig Ferguson, who did his opening bit on the controversy in support of his boss and lead-in Letterman.

Since I have committed to posting One Craig Ferguson Clip a Day Until You Start Watching, this could not happen at a better time. Clips after the jump. There are two including the monologue just in case I miss a day in the near future.

Craig's live on Monday with special guest Oscar winner Holly Hunter from TNT's Saving Grace. It's time for you to start watching Craig.

Conan Video -- Can You Hear Bob Hope Spinning in His Grave?

LINK

2 Clips -- Joel McHale on Conan's Tonight Show, Kendra Guests on The Soup Friday

Joel shows up on the first week of Conan at 11:35, natch, because he's a big comedy star with a series upcoming on NBC.

Everybody happy? Sure they are.

Check him out with Conan after the jump and then tonight at 10 on E! with special guest Kendra Wilkinson. Read about her appearance on The Soup's blog at this link. Then watch her in the second clip after the jump.

Video -- NY Times Mag This Sunday: All About Conan and Jay and Jeff

Lynn Hirschberg has a piece in Sunday's NYT Magazine on Conan's move to The Tonight Show that reveals the way that Jay ended up in prime time:

“Five years ago,” Leno continued, “I think they thought we wouldn’t still be on top. Back then, I said, ‘Whatever you want.’ I don’t have an agent. I don’t have a manager. If the girl doesn’t want to sleep with you, that’s O.K. I’m not one of those guys who says, ‘Why don’t you want to sleep with me?’ I say, ‘O.K., great — let’s be friends.’ You want to make a change? That’s great — we’ll make a change.”

Jay being Jay and repeating the Jay mantra: "No agent, no manager, just me." But certainly there are attorneys involved so isn't it disingenuous for him to continue to use this line? Also, did Zucker expect that when Leno left the show he would, I dunno, get a job at Jiffy Lube? Have an auditorium built for himself in Vegas? (Actually, that might have been a good idea, now that I think of it.)

Continuing ...

As he became increasingly disgruntled, Leno began entertaining offers from other networks. Although viewership on network TV is shrinking and advertising is migrating to cable and (to a lesser degree) to the Web, topical shows with comedy and celebrity guests are inexpensive to produce and maintain a consistent appeal. Leno is a name brand — he could easily move to ABC or Fox and become O’Brien’s competition, which is what NBC feared. “It became clear that Jay wanted to continue telling jokes on television at 11:30,” Zucker said. To entice him to stay at NBC, Zucker offered Leno a daytime show, a cable show, a series of specials. When Leno turned all those down, Zucker proposed a half-hour show, five nights a week at 8 p.m. The idea was that Leno would just do his monologue, riffing off the events of the day. “Eight p.m. doesn’t work,” Leno explained to me. “I never assume anyone is watching because I’m good-looking. You’re selling a product. In my particular instance, the product, hopefully, is jokes. With ‘The Tonight Show,’ you have the jokes plus Angelina Jolie, and that’s a little more enticement. A half-hour monologue every night doesn’t seem like enough enticement.”

Leno in daytime is a non-starter. Leno on cable? Doing what exactly, and where? Leno weeknights at 8 doing his monologue for a half hour? I don't think so, but not because of Leno's contention that he's no pretty enough for 8 pm. Those Biggest Loser people aren't too pretty at the beginning and they do pretty well at 8.

Finally ...

Zucker made his final plea: an hourlong show at 10 p.m., five nights a week. To Zucker’s surprise, Leno agreed. “I have believed, for a long time, that there should be a daily prime-time program with a topical format,” Zucker told me. “I’ve never said this publicly before, but I approached Oprah Winfrey about her doing a daily hourlong show in prime time. She turned me down, but I rekindled the idea with Jay. The advantage of a show like that is it’s easy to join, DVR-proof due to its topicality and different. Too much on television is the same show recycled. This will be a show that can provide an answer for the changing times we live in.”

Oh Jeff Zucker, no show is DVR-proof. I don't even know what that means! Even if I want to watch something as it airs I still start 20 minutes later (for an hour long show) so that I can FF through the ads. Recycled? We're talking about Jay Leno humor, aren't we? Doesn't it already come recycled? He even recycles his own jokes.

"A show for the changing times we live in?"

Except that from what I can tell it will be pretty much the same show that he's been doing for years only 95 minutes earlier.

And I'm still not going to watch it. Well, maybe just once. Just to see. And then I'm right back to scripted "anything else" at 10.

Conan's new show site is live at this link. He'll have Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam on his first show.

Leno's new show site is still in an abbreviated form at this link.

Conan shows you his new set in a clip after the jump.

Bravo's A-List Awards: Seriously, That Drunk Whore on E! is Funnier Than Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Ricky Gervais, Conan O'Brien?

"One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong."

Did she put on a men's suit, down a fifth of Grey Goose and blow every gay man who voted?

Or, was it that she was the only one who would show up for the show?

Because I bet both of those answers come very close to the truth.

And get this ... I recorded her mess of a show the other day (about a week ago) because Josh Radnor was on, and he seldom does the talk shows, and he revealed that she's also a Republican.

A female comic drunk slut who's shtupping the man who decided if her show stays on the air is a Republican? Well, that kind of makes sense.

Betcha she doesn't even really know why she is a Republican. Probably because Ted is. I hate women like that.

So, I'm challenging her to a public debate on her political ideology right here right now. No jokes, no personal insults (much more of a problem for her than me, because stupid people always fall back on the personal insult when they can't defend their positions) ... just a discussion of policy and ideology.

(BTW, the drunk slut/whore charge may seem an insult, too, but what do YOU call someone who constantly wants a glass of vodka in her hands and is trading sex for money?)

Maybe the drunk whore on E! is a Republican because she likes the teabagging.

Betcha Ted loves that she loves teabagging. Maybe it's how she keeps getting renewed.

Pay no attention to the winner of these awards. It's not a meritocracy, certainly, it's just who will sit in the theatre for that long.

Did she have a flask with her? Can she go anywhere without one? I think she drinks to drown the memories of the whore-y behavior she's had to engage in to get as far as she has, which thankfully so far is just a basic cable show she gets to do because she lets an E! decision maker do her.

And if we all work very very hard we can avoid it and her. And I welcome you to do such.

(Seriously, if she were the least bit funny I would encourage it but she just rehashes the tabloids and says mean things, which makes her no more that a celebrity blogger with run of a TV studio.)

NBC Begins Two Months of Reintroducing Conan O'Brien to America

Here it comes, gang.

How do you make Conan O'Brien more palatable to the people who used to turn off the television when Leno is over? Or, do you do that at all? Because aren't all those Leno people now going to turn off the TV before the local news?

(And you know what no one has discussed in any detail with all the ink being expended on the NBC late night hierarchy? What about the local 11 pm newscasts across the country that are now going to have the ultimately lower-rated Leno show -- albeit at a lower cost to the network -- instead of big expensive higher-rated dramas leading into their broadcasts? Did no one consider that? Because I happen to know that in Southern California the local NBC-owned station has always made a nice piece of change on their 11 pm news.)

Back to Conan, here's a bunch of his famous friends suggesting to you, average American and not hipster doofus that stays awake past 12:37 am, to get to know Conan.

After the jump, Tina Fey, Adam Sandler, Megan Mullally, and more.

Conan Video -- "Bush" Stops By to Say Goodbye and Diss Will Ferrell

And slap Conan's ass. And pick up the latest Larry the Cable Guy movie.

See ya later, Conie.

LINK

... and Jay Leno as Marlon Brando?

New York Magazine's Vulture blog on the changing of the guard (kind of) at NBC, which as you know is really just a realignment and addition:

(D)espite the continued reassurances from the network, even Conan O'Brien himself seems to be fairly downbeat about the move. "I’ve spent my fair share of time at 3 in the morning,” he tells the Times, “lying awake like Martin Sheen in the movie, staring at the ceiling fan, thinking about my trip up river — and we all know how that turned out.”

Jay Leno as Colonel Kurtz? Now that's a metaphor we can get behind.

Actually, Jeff Zucker looks more the part.

Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love? My Last Request to Conan, Just One More If They Mated Before You Go

HuffPo:

Are Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love an item?

An item in today's UK Mirror alleges that's the case. Both were in London Monday night for the Elle Style awards, the day after Rourke won the BAFTA for Best Actor for "The Wrestler.

That item? It alleges that they've been secretly dating for the last three weeks, since after the Golden Globes.

So, I must ask ... Conan O'Brien, please do just one more If They Mated to clue us in on what a child of these two would look like.

I'm begging you. In fact, so much so that I'm even gonna promo the Jimmy Fallon appearance on your show tonight at 12:37 ET/PT on the NBC Television Network by posting today's Fall vlog in a clip after the jump.

You would think this level of self-debasement would garner at least a composite image of the two, there doesn't even need to be a joke, really.

Wanna help me make this happen? Click here, choose Conan's show from the drop-down menu and ask. Can't hurt to ask, can it?

It would be the ultimate pairing. And I'm pretty sure it's only six more shows.

Conan O'Brien Tonight Show PR Push Starts with Lipton on Bravo

I don't know how Conan is keeping it together these days. I would be pissed.

Seriously.

In fact he looks kind of pissed. Even his hair looks a little angry above.

Think about it, you spend years at 12:37 am building your reputation with the hope that you'll someday get the premiere latenight spot on NBC, and then when you get it you find out the the premiere latenight spot was actually secret option Z, moving it up to 10 pm. And then you find out the person taking the 10 pm spot is the person who's been in the way of your getting the premiere latenight spot the whole time.

Conie is running after the ever moving carrot on the stick.

Well, on Monday night I'm sure he'll be all gracious and kind and funny, but I invite you to look underneath that. I don't think Lipton will, he knows what his role is in this special 2-hour Inside the Actor's Studio.

So, you're gonna have to look for the bitter underside all by yourself.

Everyone has been very outwardly nice and friendly about this situation so far, which is a testament to their professionalism.

The only people to act unprofessionally in my mind are the NBC execs that allowed this to happen.

Clip from the episode after the jump. Monday at 8 on Bravo.

Conan Video -- Joel McHale Guests, Talks Hefner, Football, Dermatology

You know what, I have a sense that we don't get Joel every Friday night at 10 for long. I just have a sense that stuff is starting to pop for him, and so overdue. Maybe I only feel that way because I've never once missed an episode of The Soup (to the point of actually having to buy some on iTunes, which for material that becomes dated is a tough call for a cheap sonovabitch like me).

The Informant doesn't open until September, but I can't believe that E! can hold him that much longer. Huge fanbase, big crowds at live shows, very enthusiastic female fans (which I know from reading the notes I get from them when I post).

And of course, charming as all get out and obviously has a great work ethic.

Why do I say that? Joel's there just about every Friday night with your hottest Soup (except for when there's the year-end or mid-year clip show) while the cast of thousands now just Paul F. Tompkins and my Facebook friends (Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel, and a couple others) from Best Week Ever just can't keep up.

And if you haven't clicked over to look at the cast of The Informant, besides Matt Damon and Melanie Lynskey, there's the aforementioned Tompkins, my Facebook friend Patton Oswalt, Tony Hale, Scott Adsit, Scott Bakula, Mike O'Malley (who is out of a job again) and ... Academy Award nominee Candy Clark.

Okay, I've rambled enough. It's after the jump.

Who Are the Two Most Pissed Off Guys in Television Today?

Well, it must be these two above, dontcha think?

By the time NBC's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon finishes airing it's first episode whenever that might be, viewers of that network will have watched three hours and 37 minutes of people talking. Just people talking, whether it be Jay Leno's new 10 pm show or their local news or Conan or Fallon laughing at his own jokes.

(Well, at least now when he looks at the camera, unlike at SNL, he won't be mugging it up, he'll be talking to you. And as usual, I have an illustrative Family Guy clip.)

LINK

But this is what the Conan people said yesterday to the Hollywood Reporter:

"It's great for us," a source close to O'Brien said. "We're really excited because the alternative is him leaving angry and going to another network, competing against Conan. What it means to the drama business is another story."

Yeah, more about the drama business later. So, they're happy not to be competing against Jay. But in essence I think the two shows are more in competition with each other than ever.

I say that specifically because of the scheduling. Imagine you're going to see a double-feature at the movies and the first feature starts at 10 weeknights and the second at 11:35, and at 11 there's a really boring featurette about people in your neighborhood who break into each others' homes and run their cars into buses and play sports and talk about whether it's gonna rain tomorrow.

That's exactly what this is.

I don't think I'd ever stay for the second feature.

Now, about the five hours of programming that NBC gets to throw away? I think that just about constitutes all of the shows that Silverman brought in this past year, doesn't it? So, in effect, Jay Leno is providing a bailout for the failed practices of Ben Silverman.

Even Silverman, that partyhog, gets a bailout. Scumbo.

I'll tell you this, if I'm CBS and ABC I'm gonna very aggressively counterprogram against this will the best product I can put out there. Because I just don't see people turning away from quality shows to watch Jay talk to Larry the Cable Guy at 10 pm every night.

I was all for Jay in primetime, but once a week, and I thought it would happen on a low-viewership night, like Friday.

To me, this looks like NBC has given up trying to make quality shows. It makes me sad that Jeff and Ben have destroyed the network the same way W destroyed our nation. They've squandered the legacy of Brandon Tartikoff, a guy who really loved and was dedicated to giving viewers a quality experience.

It will take a lot of talent and a lot of luck to rebuild NBC once the GE stockholders chuck the lot of them out of those buildings in NY and LA. The country found Obama, can NBC-Universal find a suitable savior?

Tina Fey Talks to Conan About the Bristol Palin Babysitting Offer, 30 Rock, Aniston, Oprah, More

But most of all, you gotta watch this because Tina's daughter still can't tell the difference between Mommy and Hockey Mommy. Watch Tina talk about the VP nominee offering up her daughter Bristol to babysit Alice.

30 Rock premieres tomorrow night at 9:30. You can watch it right now on this blog at this link, you can click over to NBC.com or Hulu to watch it as well. You can catch up with last season's finale as well.

Anything that you would like to do short of being on the show is available for you online or in front of your TV. No, I can't send Tina Fey to your house. I've actually already asked people to send her to me and they say her schedule precludes such things.

Damn.

Tina's busy after all. Although it seems her VP candidate imitating days are just about over, she is also the Six Million Dollar Man Author, having signed with Little, Brown to publish a book of comic essays.

Tina's appearance in two clips after the jump.

From My DVR to You, Tina Fey and Julia Louis-Dreyfus Play on Conan

And Tina wanted me to make sure there was a hat tip here to Ricky Gervais.

You'll know why in a moment.

LINK

McCain Is the Change Candidate After All, But the Changes Are Geographic

Americablog posting McCain's latest, his contention that there are problems on the Iraqi-Pakistani border.

ABC News' The Note has McCain's most recent flub:

"I think it's serious. . . . It's a serious situation, but there's a lot of things we need to do. We have a lot of work to do and I'm afraid it's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq/Pakistan border," said McCain, R-Ariz., said on "Good Morning America."

Iraq and Pakistan do not share a border. Afghanistan and Pakistan do. 

And just Friday night, McCain was complaining to Conan O'Brien that the old jokes were getting kind of tired. I think the only thing that's tired is John McCain.

And old.

Really old. Maybe at one time before the continents shifted, when McCain was a teenager, Iraq and Pakistan actually DID share a border.

The McCain-Conan clip after the jump has even more significance now, doesn't it? This guy is wrong about everything including how his being old is not really a tired meme, just an accurate one.

Craig Ferguson Interviewed at Broadcasting & Cable

Ah, Craig. Lovin' ya more and more with each passing day and every time I think about Conan crossing his own picket line to go to work.

Yes, I'm still pissed. I think I'll be pissed for a while. And I'll write about that at some point, but my problem is that the "stars" of the Guild didn't do the right thing for the rank and file and that sucks.

And that's you and your buddy Colbert, too, Jon Stewart. And Leno? Well, if you can call that writing, I guess he's on my list as well.

(Yeah, I'm not a fan of Leno at all. He's really not funny, or what I should say is that he's funny in the annoying way that the guy in your office who thinks he's funny is funny.)

Back to Craig, he talked to Ben Grossman from B&C and said, among other things that he was friendly with Maureen Dowd. Now that's a dinner table that I would enjoy sitting at.

More, including excerpts and a clip after the jump.

Jon Stewart Draws His Very Lame Line in the Sand, He'll Do His Show but Won't Salute Sumner Redstone

So, Jon, buddy, I guess we see now what the deal is. Personally, I would not have crossed my union's picket line to get back to work on TDS.

As you know, I haven't been watching (didn't even watch Stewart and Colbert beat up on Conan the other night, as painful as it was to switch the channel -- hell, I didn't even watch the clippage of it on Access Hollywood).

So, you'll put money in Redstone's wallet by crossing your own union's picket line and write your show (and yes, Aasif Mandvi, you are writing that show, I'm sure there's a script) but you won't stand at a podium and say nice things about him (Hollywood Reporter):

The invite for the black-tie event Thursday at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, sent out several weeks ago, proclaims the Redstone event and announced Stewart, who hosts a show owned by Viacom's Comedy Central, as the evening's emcee.

But as of Tuesday, organizers said that Stewart wouldn't host, with Charlie Rose filling in as emcee.

I would rather you switch that around.

Conan O'Brien's New Home in Brentwood is a Signal

That signal, I believe, is the first salvo against those who would be interested in Leno sticking around past his 2009 departure date, one of those people being Leno himself.

Reuters:

O'Brien, 44, who is married with two preschoolers, is scheduled to replace Jay Leno at the helm of "The Tonight Show" next year, although Leno has reportedly had recent misgivings about stepping aside from the top-rated U.S. late-night show.

I'm actually looking forward to this, not really looking forward to finding out how it all shakes out, but I am looking forward to the shaking, so to speak. Should be interesting to see and hear what happens as Jay gets closer to that date his exit ticket is stamped.

BTW, that's not the house Conan is buying, but it is a home in Brentwood. Nice neighborhood, unless you married a murderous pro football player.

Late Nigh Hardball at NBC -- Will They Fill In With Guest Hosts?

You know, I may not enjoy Jay Leno, but I certainly admire his not crossing the picket line. NBC, however, isn't looking very admiringly at his stance.

Broadcasting & Cable:

(T)he show is looking at coming back on the air Nov. 19 with guest hosts so that it can save the jobs of the nonwriters.

“All sorts of things are being discussed, including guest hosts,” Tonight Show executive producer Debbie Vickers said. “Our preference is that we return to production of The Tonight Show with Jay as host as soon as possible.”

B&C also learned that the same timetable has been given to the staff of NBC’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien. That show's nonwriters also face layoffs at the end of the week of Nov. 12.

I will not be watching either show should they decide to go with non-Union writers writing non-Union words.

What are you gonna do?

Note to possible guest hosts: If you are now or have ever been a member of a performing Union or Guild, you are gonna get a lot of shit from me for signing onto this bad idea.

That includes AGVA members, AFTRA members, SAG, WGA, DGA, name your acronym.

Conan O'Brien's Stalker is a Priest. Seriously.

The AP don't lie about stuff like this:

A priest has been arrested on charges of stalking late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien by writing him threatening notes on parish letterhead, contacting his parents and showing up at his studio, prosecutors said Wednesday.

The Rev. David Ajemian, a priest in the Archdiocese of Boston, was arrested last week while trying to enter a taping session of NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" at New York's Rockefeller Plaza, said Barbara Thompson, a spokeswoman for the Manhattan prosecutor's office.

Ajemian referred to himself as "your priest stalker" in one note and complained of not being allowed in to see an earlier taping of the O'Brien show, court papers say.

"Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?" the note said.

What's up with you priests? Some of you having sex with kids (which you just have to stop, right know, because I said so), others of you having sex with women (after you foolishly said you wouldn't when you probably knew you couldn't hold out), and now one of you is stalking poor gingerheaded Conan.

What did he do to you?

From the article:

The letters and e-mails, which started coming in September 2006, continued even after Ajemian was asked to stop and were "intended to cause annoyance and alarm," Thompson said.

"I want a public confession before I ever consider giving you absolution — or a spot on your couch," wrote Ajemian, who signed the notes "Padre," Thompson said.

Ajemian also has been in contact with O'Brien's parents, Thompson said.

His parents? What the hell is wrong with you, Father Ajemian, you don't bring your issues with a grown man to his parents.

And then I noticed this recently:

A former Catholic parish priest in the Richmond Diocese has pleaded guilty to mail fraud and money laundering.

Rodney L. Rodis, 51, of Fredericksburg, Va., faces up to 20 years in prison on each count and fines.  In addition, he has agreed to pay at least $400,000 in restitution to the Catholic Diocese of Virginia, the full amount to be determined by the Court when he is sentenced on Feb. 21.   

Someone get these guys some help, okay? The Catholic Church needs to get their priests in line.

And stop having sex with kids. Can you believe I actually have to say that?

Would You Like to See Yourself With Cartoon Conan and Cartoon Jim Gaffigan in Pale Force?

You know Pale Force, it's the continuing series of web cartoons starring the very light-skinned Conan O'Brien and Jim Gaffigan, who's just this side of opaque.

NBC and Late Night with Conan O'Brien is offering you the unique opportunity to co-star in an episode of Pale Force with these two. Just click here and a new window will open with the contest form. It's an essay contest, 50 words or less about why you, more than anyone else on the planet (or further ...) should be in an ep of Pale Force.

If you're not familiar, here's an episode introduced by the pair.

LINK

This is my entry. Copy me and I'll hunt you down like the dog that you are:

50 words? But there are no words that could explain to you how remarkably life changing an experience it would be for my actual likeness to appear on TV in an episode of Pale Force with Jim and Conan.

But now it occurs to me that I only have eleven ...

See what I did there? I ran outta words.

You'll probably win.

Conan. Gaffigan. Superheroes. Without Tans. Returning Sept. 24

That's right, boys and girls, Pale Force returns to Late Night with Conan O'Brien with a new episode this coming Monday.

The Emmy-nominated web series returns with legendary white person (c'mon, he's practically ivory-colored) Jim Gaffigan and Paul Noth providing the story and voices, music and sound design from Noth and Jeannie Noth Gaffigan (also blonde and rather pale, btw) as script editor (keeping it all in the family).

Just to get you up to speed, here is the cliffhanger episode from last season, a must see: