I Am A TV Junkie

UPDATED: Two and a Half Men Reboot -- Why the Hate? It's a Fascinating Exercise!

UPDATE: My update is actually just a simple question: Did CBS and Warner Bros. release the info about Grant to see how it would fly with pop culture addicts and fans of the show? Is that why we're hearing about this? Because I have a funny feeling we're being somewhat manipulated. More on this as it progresses. Stranger things have happened in this world. There was that one time when that hot British actor with the smokin' hot girlfriend got arrested for picking up a hooker on Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood, for example.

I get that TV critics and discriminating viewers and in some cases just people you meet on the street are not fans of Two and a Half Men.

Hey, I don't particularly like the show, either. This is what I find fascinating, though. Here's a show that we can pretty much agree isn't something fans of TV comedy have ever held dear. But the producers are actively working to change the show and no one seems to be interested in what can be made of the show's remains now that Charlie Sheen isn't coming back.

I think it's a fascinating exercise in making television. Or more accurately, remaking television.

This of course is all prompted today by the story at TV Line (link) about negotiations between CBS/Warners and Hugh Grant that would have the British movie star with a bad boy problem of his own (the "Divine" Ms. Brown, who's actual name was Estella Thompson, from back in the day).

Interesting idea. Seems from what I've gathered those talks have broken down over an issue of "artistic differences" (I know, I laughed too) but there's still a chance it might happen.

More of this after the jumperoo.

Hollywood Reporter Exclusive -- Chuck Lorre's Two and a Half Men Reboot

As the Reporter notes in their story at this link, upfronts are just around the corner and I'm sure CBS would like to know if they have a show or not.

Apparently Chuck Lorre has a plan. THR says:

Sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that series co-creator Chuck Lorre has hatched an idea to reboot the Warner Bros-produced sitcom with a new creative direction that does not involve Sheen, who was fired from the series in March. Lorre is said to have presented close associates and Men co-star Jon Cryer with the plan, and the studio and network are aware of his intentions. According to an insider, Lorre has told Cryer this reboot would involve a significant role for him and the introduction of a new, yet-to-be-cast character.

And there's lots more, click over to the Reporter now for their exclusive.

I hope there's also a significant role for Angus T. Jones, he gets the show's best lines and is a solid young comic actor.

More as it unfolds.

Charlie Sheen: Capable of Learning, Adapting ... Chicago Tour Stop Improves Over Detroit

Well good for him, huh? In less than 24 hours it's a radically different Charlie Sheen.

Chicago Tribune:

Gone was the dime-store Hunter S. Thompson manifesto he had recited, losing much of the Detroit crowd in his first half-hour on stage. Gone was the raucous banging bass and the videos cobbled together from old movies and YouTube clips about Sheen.

And gone, almost entirely, were the boos for the embattled, family-troubled, recently fired, oft-interviewed sitcom star.

It was a canny shift of the show's tone, from epic self-aggrandizement to a more casual, at times even likable, persona. We will not go so far as to say "humble," because Saturday's Sheen seemed to be lurking at Sunday's edges, ready to return, especially for a few minutes early on when the 45-year-old actor seemed to be resisting the new stage-show format.

Chicago Sun-Times:

Unlike in Detroit, an opening act was nixed. Dressed in a sweatpants and a bright blue T-shirt, which he ultimately gave to an audience member in exchange for the topless man’s billowing green one — Sheen took the stage at 8:15 p.m. to a standing ovation and chants of “Detroit sucks!”

Almost under his breath, the actor responded, “No, they don’t,” before launching into his ice-breaker. “I wrote you a letter,” Sheen said. “Dear f------ awesome Chicago. I am a veteran of a disturbing odyssey that had me question the very nature of my soul . . . I am speaking, of course, about last night in Detroit.”

The show changed considerably in just a day, this time merely featuring the “Two and a Half Men” star being questioned by an interviewer about various hot-button issues: his marriages, how he met his two live-in girlfriends “the goddesses,” drugs.

And there's TV, also, from WLS, the ABC affiliate, right here below.

And this from the Chicago Fox affiliate.

All told, there are still some attendees from the Chicago show that were disappointed in what they got for their $80 (I know! I could buy so many Cadbury Caramel Eggs with eighty smackers) but honestly that's understandable. A lot of people don't exactly understand what they're getting into when they see a guy live without the sets and script and all that.

I remember when I saw Joel McHale live in Long Beach that there were more than a few people bitching as we left about how Joel wasn't as funny as he is on TV and I actually engaged them and reminded them that Joel is not a stand up comic, he's an actor and TV host who has a following and is potentiating that audience with live appearances.

Neither is Sheen. Those who are complaining now in Chicago after big changes to the show that added Live Nation exec Joey Scoleri (mentioned in my Detroit post from yesterday) to the mix may be feeling that kind of buyer's remorse.

From all accounts, however, we have at least learned that Sheen still has the ability to recognize that something isn't working and accept that changes need to be made. So I guess he's not completely burnt out or up or through, even.

Still there was stuff that I found incredulous, like Sheen ripping CBS for continuing to let him work while drunk and/or high. I'm going to start blaming the supermarket for how fat Entenmann's Devil's Food Chocolate Covered Donuts make me.

It makes as much sense.

In Case You Missed It, Charlie Sheen Live Show Reviews from Detroit

Ooh, I betcha he looks a lot worse than this today.

Are you ready? Let's go around the horn for some Sheen live tour reviews.

Crains Detroit Business:

It didn't take long to fall apart. The show wasn't seamless. It felt professionally done in parts, thrown-together in others. Sheen at one point was on a presidential-style podium with teleprompters, and read a long speech in his trademark style, with his creative weird expressions. But it went on for 20 minutes, and the crowd grew restless. Boos began in earnest.

After that, there were some videos, attempts to tell stories, some music. But things were sloppy and going downhill.

It was all disjointed, and the crowd's sense of disappointment and anger was the only consistency of the night. About a half-hour into the show, people were starting to leave. After Sheen chastised the audience for not being quiet while he was trying to talk, the exodus increased. It was painful to watch. He made jokes about Detroit's population and crack in the city, which were duds in a town with fierce civic pride.

@Real_Detroit on Twitter:

Charlie Sheen becomes most hated man in Detroit. Ron Artest and Rick Snyder seen high-fiving.

Detroit Free Press:

Sheen, visibly worried that he was losing the audience, at times appeared close to becoming abrasive. He never completely fell apart, but at one point, he did tell a heckler, "Sorry dude, already got your money."

Near the end of the evening, with the booing intensifying, the 45-year-old Sheen slipped off stage in favor rapper Dirt Nasty. And then at about 10:10 p.m. -- roughly 70 minutes after Sheen's portion had started -- the houselights came on and most of the disappointed crowd headed for the exits, shell-shocked or angry.

For those who hung around, his "true, die-hard" fans, Sheen returned to the stage for about 15 minutes for meet-and-greets and the like.

For those of you not paying as much attention, Dirt Nasty is the rap name for the marginally talented actor and former gay for pay porn guy (in his youth, allegedly) Simon Rex.

Detroit News:

During the times Sheen had to speak and hold the audience's attention, things really fell apart. He was the reason the audience was there, they wanted to see their gruff, charming bad boy, the folk hero who never said "sorry," who told his boss to take his cushy job and shove it. Sure, over the years he never grew out of the Beverly Hills, rich brat persona but there was a self-deprecating charm underneath the caustic humor. Wasn't there?

Sheen's monologue was full of his usual poetic metaphors, pop cultural references and gruff egotism, but instead of lasting for the one or two minutes we were used to on TV, the piece went on and on, making the audience fidget and then explode in boredom and rage (the time between boredom and rage was frighteningly short). He was reduced to stop reading (yes, he was reading) and say, "Come on, let me finish...this is all leading to something!" when the boos became more insistent.

At one point, Sheen sat on a park bench answering questions from the audience (solicited from his website). After answering one or two, he repeatedly asked the audience, "What do you want me to talk about? Do you want me to talk about my car being stolen? And if it involved crack?" As the fellow behind me pointed out, don't ask if you can tell a story, just tell it.

When the grumbling and boos from the audience rumbled continually through his "speech," Sheen complained, "Well we all can't talk at once!" like an irritated substitute teacher.

Then, via YouTube, you have these remarks from ...

ABC7, Detroit

Fox2, Detroit

Looks like someone needed a writer, huh? Well then it's a shame that he has alienated the only writers who have ever successfully written something for him.

Too bad, so sad. Let's see if he cancels the rest of the tour and starts begging for his job back. Then, let's see CBS turn him away. If they were to say yes they would be better served by chopping their junk off and sending it to Sheen overnight via FedEx.

I'm watching  you, Moonves! The Chenbot needs you to hold onto your junk.

And, you gotta wonder what the phone calls at Live Nation are like today. Do you think Joey Scoleri still has a job? Because I would have demanded a run-through before the first show and apparently that didn't happen.

Dear China: Martin Sheen Wasn't REALLY Our President

My compliments to my favorite political blogger, John Aravosis from Americablog, for finding this in China's Global Times.

In an editorial today that you can read at this link, the editors take exception to the antics of one Charlie Sheen, who you might know from, you know, all the drug taking and the misogyny and the violent love and, well, winning. They said:

As much as Sheen has lived a life most Chinese men can only fantasize about, our admiration of him can only go so far. He has not only lost face with his public rants, but also crossed a cultural barrier no Chinese can abide.

He ignored his own father's advice to keep quiet, who was once the president of the US. Sheen is a disgrace, unfilial to his father and his fatherland.

Martin Sheen should at once go on television and tearfully apologize on behalf of his son for his inability to keep up appearances and keep his mouth shut.

Yes, they think Martin Sheen was really our President. If only, huh?

I thought to myself, "How the hell could they think Martin Sheen was actually our President?" Then I thought of Reagan and Schwarzenegger and ... just sighed.

Another thing in the story caught my eye:

Sheen attracted 1 million Twitter followers in just 24 hours, yet more evidence that microblogs spread the most unhealthy contagions in society like a disease. Chinese family, coworkers, or the authorities would have taken firm steps to make sure someone like Sheen did not make a public spectacle of himself.

That's amazing copy. Not only dissing Sheen but striking at the credibility of social networks like Twitter in advance of what the Chinese assume will be protests started on those same social media sites as they have in Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Bahrain, and Libya recently.

Those Chinese, so efficient with their multi-tasking.

For the gang at the Global Times, here's a link to Martin Sheen's IMDb page, it should clear things up for you. I think.

CBS v. Sheen: The Ultimate Diss? Recasting Charlie Harper, But Who?

So you've no doubt read that Charlie Sheen no longer has a job. Warner Bros. Television, in a letter from their attorneys to Marty Singer, made it official.

I can't help but feel like the most insulting thing that those two companies could do to Sheen is recast the role of Charlie Harper and just use the time-tested soap opera method of a voice-over announcer saying plainly, "The role of Charlie Harper will now be played by ..."

But who?

The first actor touted is John Stamos, who btw is in New York right now shooting both an ep of SVU and something for Garry Marshall's New Year's Eve film. And ... showing up at a performance of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying to praise Daniel Radcliffe in the role he played back in 1995 (I think it's 95, he replaced Matthew Broderick in the role).

(Oh Garry Marshall, will you please stop making vignette-y holiday themed romcoms and shepherd some legitimately good multi-camera comedy to TV network or two, please? And get your sister Penny off the couch, too, I would like to see her on something besides Shatner's Raw Nerve.)

I like Stamos, I respect Stamos, I enjoy looking at Stamos (much more now than when he was younger, age has been very good to him).

Stamos isn't the guy. Sorry.

In my dreams Lorre decides to go really dark, he hires Dino Stamatopoulos to create some really discomforting storylines about loneliness, isolation and fetishism for your new Charlie, comic Doug Stanhope (image right), because I've seen his act and he's not afraid of saying anything, an important attribute when a guy like Dino is writing for you.

Watch some of Stanhope's standup by clicking this or this or if you want a whole hour of him, this. He's very good at what he does though it's not for everyone.

I know that won't happen, it doesn't mean I can't think about how very disturbing and amazing it could be. 

Christian Slater would have been a good idea until he signed for another series (yes, another TV network has decided to give Slater a go in primetime and a comedy at that, I'm shocked too). It's a shame because he's a perfect plugin. I don't think Slater can open a series but I think he might be able to keep some of the viewers on an existing show happy.

You could go a completely different way and do this: Jake gets a girl pregnant, she tells him after the fact that she's a serial killer and then ... oh, sorry, that's Raising Hope.

Okay ... Jake still gets the girl preggers but ... oh, it's Rose. It's okay, Jake will be 18 when the show returns. Jake and Rose have a kid, a boy, and they are once again Two and a Half Men.

Rose gets a sex change? Berta gets pregnant?

How about you just bring back guest stars from seasons past Enrique Iglesias and Megan Fox and have them always doing it on Charlie's beachfront deck?

Whatever, it's just a show I watch occasionally with my dad. I like the kid a lot, though. If CBS wasn't CBS (meaning old skewing) I'd just spin off the kid and have Jon Cryer make the occasional guest appearance.

Or Jake could move into the building where Leonard and Sheldon live in Pasadena and be their stupid friend.

We'll see what happens.

Video -- Condensed Soup: Scott McCreery, Top Model and, Duh!, WINNING!

Winning. No word this week has taken more of a beating.

Watch Condensed Soup here, make sure to read the completely reconstituted version tonight at 10 eastern (earlier if you're on the West coast and have the E! East coast HD feed).

More, bonus Sheen content, this link. Because you're WINNING.

WINNING! Look who else is! Plus, Bonus Video! And Exclamation Points!

This is why we love still-newlyweds Seth Green and Clare Grant. They are always on top of it.

Jameson's & cookie dough? My favorite buffet items.

Thank you, Sethie, and in return I post some great Robot Chicken clips from recent eps. New episodes each Sunday night on Adult Swim, also watchable at their video hub.

After the jump.

New Show Tiger Blood Adonis DNA In Development*, Will There Be a Bidding War?

An exciting premise that will no doubt be the big hit of the 2011-12 TV season, Tiger Blood Adonis DNA (TBAD) is the story of a superman in the body of a middle-aged man, a titan of a man in a body that doesn't even reach six feet. His uniquely sequenced DNA and the fact that the blood the flows thorough his veins is that of a tiger make him a weapon for justice when he adds copious amounts of alcohol and stimulants to the mixture.

With his ever-present Goddesses, two bleached blondes models of questionable repute whose use of hair care products and substance ingestion have made them impervious to the pain of constant friction, TBAD travels to the world's hotspots, places where the social order has broken down, violence rules the day and people have lost hope.

There, TBAD and his Goddesses book a suite at a local hotel and begin a process that starts with ingestion of large amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Then the three begin to engage in various sex acts at first a slow pace then becoming faster and faster and more intense.

First it's just a breeze the floats through the hotel suite but it becomes more intense, increasing in rapidity until it grows into a vortex of chemicals, sweat, other bodily fluids (which ones? name one, it's in there) always building, continually getting stronger until CRACK! -- there's a bolt of lightning, a clap of thunder and then an eery euphoria that wafts through the streets in waves and waves of relief and pleasure.

And their jobs are done. But they return to their home base to perfect and further understand their technique, letting nothing stand in their way. Putting the safety of the world ahead of any concern of brain damage, citations for operating vehicles while impared, STDs, loss of employment, tooth loss ... whatever.

Tiger Blood Adonis DNA, coming this Fall to the first network that blinks.

*In development, but only in my mind.

What's Sad About the Charlie Sheen/2.5 Men News Is ...

... that now that he doesn't have a job or a reason to show up somewhere not looking like he just sucked up a suitcase full of coke he's just gonna descend into junkiehood.

Not TV junkiehood. Actual junkiehood.

He has already destroyed his teeth, his sinuses and throat are next, and he looks haggard and drawn. And of course one wonders how many STDs he's picked up along the way.

What's also sad is him railing against Lorre for that vanity card he wrote a couple weeks ago. It was funny, a light moment in all this and now Sheen has decided to interpret it as an attack, which it wasn't. And he knows it. He also knows he wouldn't have all the coke and whore money without Lorre.

Lorre and Lee Aronsohn created for Sheen the perfect vehicle, built to withstand the wrath of his public behavior, surrounded him with some of the best players out there and as we found out from Dan Patrick's radio show, even blocked the show so that he had something to lean against on those wasted days. This is the guy Charlie is railing against, I think because he's the authority figure he feels most comfortable confronting. Certainly it would be career suicide to take on Nina Tassler, Nancy Tellem or Les Moonves.

BTW, Charlie's little "Haim Lorre" joke? Is it smart to diss Jewish people when you wanna work in the entertainment industry? Just sayin'.

If you'll remember, back before the show started no one wanted Charlie for a children's party entertainer let alone the star of a network sitcom. Spin City had died with Charlie in the lead, the only project of consequence after was Scary Movie 3 (which was an abomination to comedy and scary movies) and besides two uncredited appearances in the sequel to that film and then in the Wall Street sequel there's only one project that looks even slightly promising (and it's an indie and he's not the lead).

Who's gonna want to work with Charlie Sheen again? After this? Would you?

Charlie Sheen Gone Wild: Calls Dan Patrick Radio, Trashes Producers & Show Hiatus

He's heading toward losing his big money gig if he doesn't shut up and do what he needs to do. This TMZ story, I predict, is the beginning of the end:

A raspy -sounding Charlie called in to The Dan Patrick Show this morning and explained he lost his voice because he tried to go back to work ... and was yelling and banging on the stage door ... but nobody was there.

Sheen explained, "[The execs] said 'You get ready and we'll get ready' ... and I got ready and went back and nobody was there ... I don't know what to tell ya."

Charlie knows that the show is in hiatus until Feb. 28. He also knows he's supposed to be rehabbing right now and he doesn't want to do that. Chuck Lorre and the CBS brass have been really solidly behind him until now, and I'm pretty sure that's gonna end now. People who are trying to help don't love it when the person they're trying to help make them look bad.

Listen to the audio by clicking this link. I'm not saying he's high as he talks to Dan Patrick but he's talking a mile a minute and not making any sense at all. From what he says on the call it seems I know more about the Two and a Half Men shooting schedule than he does. Of course I read TV news online and Charlie apparently reviews audition video of his next paid sex partner.

Look for CBS to begin pulling back support for Charlie starting today.

I would hope someone who cares about this guy steps up and saves him from himself but there's just so much anyone can do.

In other news, he's officially divorced from Brooke Mueller today. With the day off, I'm sure Charlie will find a way to fill his hours. I hear Joanna Angel is in town (link NSFW).

From Twitter, James L. Brooks on Charlie Sheen: "Deep Down He IS a Bunny"

Brooks, of course, is the multiple Oscar and Emmy-winning producer/director/writer who could be shepherding a new era of multi-camera sitcoms to television but instead is making poorly received films with Reese Witherspoon and Owen Wilson instead.

(Yes, Rudd is in the thing, too, but Paul Rudd can do no wrong and just you forget about dissing Rudd here.)

No Garry Marshall, you are not off the hook. You should also be shepherding a new era of multi-camera sitcoms to television instead of making poorly received holiday-themed romantic comedy anthology films.

Another thing Brooks is doing is tweeting about "his friend" Charlie Sheen. This is collected from three successive tweets today:

Actual CBS exec quoted reason for support of Charlie Sheen "It's a hit show." It's much better than "deep down he's a bunny."

Charlie called and I take him at his word...deep down he IS a bunny.

Tough being Charlie's bf. I tell -- urge -- him to stay quiet, but he says I have no idea how tough that is till I've walked a mile in his whores.

So there's that. BFs? Really?

Video -- On SNL, Alec Baldwin Speaks to You, Monday Office Computer Viewer

And maybe Charlie Sheen was listening, maybe he wasn't.

#CharlieSheen: I'm Done. Me: Who Else Will Hire You?

I'm not sure this is the best time for Charlie Sheen to be feigning disinterest in his big hit show. And it is a big hit show, even I watch it (though I will admit only with my dad, who's a huge fan of it -- we catch a couple episodes nightly on the local Fox affiliate after we have dinner together).

I mean, at this point, who wants the trouble of having Charlie Sheen on the call sheet? I certainly wouldn't. 

The show is funny enough, albeit in a kinda smarmy way, and I will always have Jon Cryer's back because, well, he was Ducky (link to that clip from that movie). But I can't imagine being a TV network that wants to be in the Charlie Sheen business right now.

(Maybe a movie, not as much committment time ... and you might just get Charlie during a period of relative calm, maybe during the time he starts to date his soon to be next wife -- not that I know anything about the future of his marriage to this Brooke woman.)

Plus, all these rehab starts and stops and pre-hab visits gotta be costing some coin.

It's kind of ... uh ... smarmy (again) to be using your family unrest as a ploy to get the network to cough up more coin so soon after the same family unrest caused a break in filming your show.

I'm just sayin'. It's icky. As is the whole sordid business.

LA Times Company Town blog seems to agree:

Already the highest paid sitcom star with a deal that pays him over $800,000 per episode, it may come down to how big a raise CBS and Warner Bros. are willing to fork over. That said, with all the legal issues Sheen is facing, one would think a steady paycheck is pretty important right now.

Our pal Joe Adalian at The Wrap says:

But not long after the People.com report, TMZ.com countered with a report claiming "sources directly connected" to "Men" -- i.e., sources at Warner Bros. TV -- were "laughing" at the notion that Sheen would walk away from the show. The report also claims Warners has agreed to up Sheen's salary to $1 million per episode, up from what the site says is his current payday of $825,000 per half-hour.

What makes the show as enjoyable as it is for me? The writing ('cause I like a cheeky, sexy show) and Angus T. Jones, who will be a huge comedy star, mark my words.

Seriously, he's gonna be huge. Like Will Ferrell before Land of the Lost huge.

Oh, and Conchata Ferrell and Melanie Lynskey, I very much enjoy each of them too. Of course. And their casting of various scifi women as guests of Charlie's bed, like Tricia Helfer from BSG.

New FunnyorDie.com Clip -- Paris Hilton Seeks Presidential Advice From Martin Sheen

Written by comic Owen Burke, directed by Jake Szymanski. Special guest Charlie Sheen.

Paris: "American was at its best when it was on NBC."

Finally, I agree with Paris Hilton about something.

LINK

100 Episodes Divided by Two And A Half Equals a Party

Here's some behind-the-scenes stuff from the 100th episode celebration (the "we're making bank off of syndication" party) with interviews with all the principals.

LINK

This clip may also be pulled without warning, so watch it now.

What the Buck?!? -- Britney "Orders Out" Edition

Let me ask, does a 21-year-old college student have enough experience with artificial breasts to decide that Britney's are real?

There's even more, on Paris, Lindsay, Denise Richards (needing a sperm donor, wants Charlie to donate, he's, uh, hesistant?), Nicole Richie, and Ellen Pompeo, who thinks she has all the answers.

LINK

And keep watching, because Internet Superstar Michael Buckley will be taking What the Buck?!? in "a different direction."

"To the left, to the left ..."