IAmATVJunkie.com is a Torchwood Spoiler Free Zone Until July 20

Note to Everyone -- Don't Buy Children Their Dead Mom's Undies at Auction

'Cause it's weird and bizarre, but most of all because it's just gross.

Newark Star-Ledger:

Larry Birkhead, the late Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy, spent nearly $3,000 at a celebrity auction Saturday scooping up lingerie once worn in a Playboy shoot by Smith.

Why? Birkhead told the AP he wants to make sure their daughter, Dannielynn, 1, has something to remember her mother by.

"You know, it's not something I can show today, but something down the road," Birkhead said. "It's not going to be in any bedtime stories anytime soon."

Ew.

C'mon, it's just ... (shuddering at the thought).

What the Buck?!? is a Must See Today

There's so much here I can't even begin to summarize.

Most important, details on Internet Superstar Michael Buckley's sitcom that he wrote as a child called My Farm.

LINK

What the Buck?!? -- He Calls it Skank, I Call it YUCK!

Of course, "ewwww" works here, too. He starts with the case of young Vanessa Hudgens, digital photography's latest casualty.

And Michael gets newsworthy in his analysis of the Hooters waitress who got thrown off that Southwest Airlines flight (he analyzes her make-up choices, natch!).

And here's a little inside info, I emailed Internet Superstar Michael Buckley the day the Rita Cosby book about Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern allegedly having sex and asked, "Michael, do you really want to take a week off? This week off?"

LINK

May I Take Your Pulse?

I really want to know, and you can comment in any way that you want, either in the comments or by email (Joe@IAmATVJunkie.com) or on your own blog or even by engraving a limestone wall with hieroglyphics using a stick, if you want.

Here's the question ... Do you really believe for a second the prurient revelations that Rita Cosby has in her new book about Anna Nicole Smith where she says that Larry and Howard are lovers and that there's a sex tape that Anna watched over and over again while she laid around in a drugged stupor?

Because it seems highly unlikely to me. Hey, if it's true I'll eat my hat (the one made of cotton candy, naturally, it's colored with food coloring to look like Donald Trump's hair), but it's so out of left field that it might as well have come from the left field stands, or the parking lot, or the snarl of traffic outside the stadium.

I welcome your comments.

I Feel Better Now, Thanks for Hanging Here Yesterday

Much better. Much much better.

Okay, let's get to it this morning. I'm going to try to rise to the occasion of writing about why anyone would want to watch a video of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern doing anything, let alone the stuff that Rita Cosby says they are doing on some DVD or videotape.

First, other stuff. Gotta get warmed up.

Fox News Channel -- More Anna Nicole than CNN or MSNBC, Most on Cable News

Yep, the network of Bill-O and Slanthead is the number one destination if you're looking for news about a former stripper, Playmate and reality show star, her death, the death of her son, the fight over the paternity of another of her children and the battle over the millions that this stripper/Playmate might get from her marriage to an octogenarian.

Broadcasting & Cable:

Fox News spent the most time on Anna Nicole Smith's death of the three major 24-hour cable news channels in the first quarter of 2007, devoting a tenth of its news hole to the story versus 6% for MSNBC and 4% for CNN.

Maria Shriver: Anna Nicole Brouhaha Kept Me From Returning to News -- Reuters

This kind of confuses me, because as California's first lady, exactly what in the news area was Maria Shriver going to come back to?

It seems to me that with her husband sitting in Sacramento and trying to become a Republican Party leader, and the rest of her family holding various positions of power in government and corporate America, the only kind of news that Maria could report about without running into some conflict of interest is stuff like the death of a Playboy Playmate/reality show star.

She tells Reuters:

"Actually I went back to them this year and I said 'Okay, now this is ridiculous, I should be able to come back,"' Shriver told an audience of workers at Internet firm Google. "You know I've never had a conflict before and I've always been in a quote political family."

Shriver's mother is slain U.S. President John F. Kennedy's sister and her father, Sargent Shriver, was the Democratic candidate for U.S. vice president in 1972.

(snip)

In a frank discussion on her life, motherhood and work, Shriver said she had a change of heart after serious news outlets provided over-the top coverage on the February death of Smith, who was best known for her bust line and messy personal life rather than achievements.

"I kind of made up my mind I did not want to go back into the news division after watching the Anna Nicole Smith frenzy," Shriver said. "I was just flabbergasted by that. How it was across the board, all encompassing and I just thought to myself, this is not where I want to work."

"I actually quit and I said, you know what, this ship has sailed, it's not for me."

Could someone please do me the favor of telling Mrs. Schwarzenegger that not only is her first lady status a barrier to impartiality, but her weight issues, as far as I'm concerned, are an issue to our young girls. If she wants to come back to TV, how about an afternoon program for young women where goes about getting healthy and her audience can get healthy with her.

Otherwise, she's just another painfully thin woman on television. If we want to see that, we can watch Brothers and Sisters.

And I'm not even beginning to factor in her marriage, her powerful relatives and her schedule of official duties.

But you know what cracks me up the most? She's all upset about how the news industry has jumped into the Anna Nicole pool and are swimming around like sharks, and she wants right back in that pool.

(APF Photo)

Single Most Ridiculous Cable News Event Ever! The Dannielynn Motorcade

On the day President Bush will veto that Iraq War funding bill he wanted so much (getting forced to do something you don't want to hurts, doesn't is you smirking chimp) MSNBC decides it's very important to watch Larry Birkhead and his daughter drive from a Kentucky airport.

Sad.

h/t to HuffPo

Quentin Tarantino Visits "The Showbiz Show"

... and plays dolls with David, in his own iconic way while reenacting the Dannielynn Smith babydaddy drama:

Jon Stewart Sets Your Kids Straight, Because That's Just the Kind of Guy He Is

Jon Stewart, compassionate lover of the kids (but not in that way) that he is, turns to camera three to explain to your kids that just because their families aren't plastered all over the newspapers and the cable networks doesn't mean that Mommie and Daddy don't love them:

My only other comment about last night's episode is this ... Can you spot the moment during Jon's interview with Halle Berry where he realizes he can't stand up lest expose the campground shelter he has erected under the desk? (you know, he pitched a tent!):