No, no, no, this is not the blog where you'll read the florid description from RadarOnline.com about her breasts swinging around while being entered from behind by a man sporting a ... huge tool Prince Albert British accent.
Breasts. Ew. Nah, kidding of course, I was breast-fed after all.
If you haven't heard I read it first at HuffPo but it's a Radar Exclusive (though sex + Chelsea = nothing exclusive, apparently) and you can read about it at their site at this link.
Short version: The tape starts with her doing her stand-up act to a home vid camera, then there's a bunch of doggy-style sex in the middle with some alleged Brit with nice forearms (that's all I can tell from the single image from Radar, which you can see here to the left), then more stand-up, then it ends. Her mgmt. team (the Huvanes, same as Jen Aniston, she of the crotch shot late night talk show interview -- check these two links) say she used to send this vid on VHS out to comedy club owners to drum up gigs.
Oh, so that makes it okay? Is the entire world just going fucking crazy?
Since when is it appropriate or a good thing or an explanation for anything that some woman is sending out videos of herself fucking to get work? Add to that Handler's history of bedding Ted Harbert from E! Networks/Comcast (which I contend started after her first E! series was canceled and the second was -- surprise! -- greenlighted, and it gets even creepier.
Next I predict we'll find out how Chelsea paid for a bunch of cab rides in the 1990s when she erred and ended up on an old Taxicab Confessions. Now I get why the bag boy always brings her groceries to the car at Whole Foods. And the line of pizza delivery guys at her front door? Completely understood.
It's her currency, babe!
I haven't even gotten to the three things mentioned in the headline, click over the jumperoo for that and more.
Okay, three things ...
1) What's with the Huvanes? Openly gay publicist brother Steven and also out agent brother Kevin seem to always be involved in something in the industry that is being highly sexualized, whether it's Chelsea here, Jen Aniston naked on the cover of GQ (whose West Coast editor at the time was another brother, Chris Huvane) or Kevin's private friendship with Girls Gone Wild founder and alleged felon Joe Francis (now that's just a strange pairing, period). I guess they've just decided that they sell sex, only sex, just sex, and sex is the only thing that sells. I think they've hurt Aniston's comedy career that way, but whatev. And if I were her (meaning: someone with discernible talent for comedy) I would leave them because what they're doing is just not working. I DO think it works for Handler, though; it's a great strategy for anyone who doesn't have discernible talent, like Handler.
2) Is Chelsea's very female-centric audience who love her pop culture snark and celeb gossip stuff gonna throw some backlash her way? Or have they all gotten jobs by sending sex tapes to prospective employers? Am I crazy here? Who the fuck sends out vids of themselves getting fucked doggy-style to get work besides porn stars?
3) Who's the Brit with the nice forearms? Are there other images of him? What's he look like? Is that vein in his forearm indicative of any other body part? What's his accent like, northern, Scot, West London? These are the things I need to know! Details, people, details!
I don't see that the explanation for this from her management makes it better, it only makes it worse. She would have been better served by no management team or a guy with a ball gag in his mouth.
One last bit from the RadarOnline.com piece:
“Chelsea gave this demo tape to a bunch of talent agents and managers hoping to book some gigs,” the source continues. “It was taken so long ago and distributed on old VHS tapes, that I’m sure most people just threw them out because her stand-up was so bad and they didn’t realize she would make it big one day. It’s highly possible that many of the recipients of the tape didn’t even watch past the first couple of minutes and missed the sex tape part altogether.”
Oh, okay. That makes it ALL better.
And, one more (you might call it a bonus) issue ... when Radar put out a print edition it was a smart, snarky, on-top-of-it magazine that was a must read. Since the end of the print edition they've just become a place to learn about borderline gross stuff that happens to and happens because of people of note.
I miss the print edition.
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Posted by: Mark Tinger | May 14, 2010 at 10:10 AM