I Am A TV Junkie

The Women of Grammy Night -- Beyonce, Gaga, Taylor: See Vids of Nominated Songs Here

They're calling them Grammy's Big Three, they being the press. And it's warranted, they are the biggest selling artists of the year, Gaga's currently the biggest tour on the road, Beyonce made bank all over the world last year and Taylor Swift is the fair-haired girl of crossover country pop.

And I enjoy all of them. But lets be frank about their talents ... Taylor's the prodigy, Beyonce is the performer and Gaga is the visionary.

Visionaries don't often get the praise they truly deserve until after their prime, which makes the Lady Gaga explosion even more remarkable. But I don't think she take home a lot of hardware tonight nor do I think she cares to be competing for awards. But it IS a business and Grammys mean sales and sales mean opportunities to affect the zeitgeist and that's what I really think Gaga is after.

This isn't the first major music award show since the MTV Awards (we've had the American Music Awards since), but Taylor still has plenty of shine, ironically from the attempt to tarnish her (fucking Kanye, who btw is very close with both of the young Ms. Swift's rivals here).

Beyonce is, for better or worse, an industry. That, frankly, harshes my enjoyment of her. Where Taylor feels like a Cinderella story and Gaga feels like a political movement, Beyonce feels like a multinational corporation hellbent on domination.

Dan DeLuca, Music Critic for the Philly Inquirer, has his own take on the three:

Whichever of the Big Three women takes home the most golden gramophones will be deserving and will have achieved a sort of ubiquity, making personalized pop music that sold in the millions. In picking Swift, Beyoncé, and Gaga as their three faces of music, the Recording Academy has ensured that while two of the women might end up disappointed at the end of the evening, the Grammys can't lose.

Indeed. Should be a great show. Still thinking about what Gaga might do.

See their Record of the Year nominees from these women, Poker Face, You Belong With Me and Halo, by clicking the respective song titles in this sentence.

Oh, there are other nominees in that category, too. Kings of Leon and The Black Eyed Peas, but I couldn't pick that Kings of Leon song out of a lineup and ... I'm sorry, but I'm just as tired of The Black Eyed Peas as I am Republican obstructionism in the House and Senate.

Nothing personal, but can't they go away for a little while and then come back when I've recovered from the overkill? You're all very nice people, Black Eyed Peas, but don't we all need just a little break from all the Boom Boom Pow?

SNL Video -- The Plight of Closet Organizer Guy, Poor Poor Closet Organizer Guy

Here's to all your commercial actors, we promise to try and not hound you for your catchphrase anymore, but you gotta understand, you come into our homes many many times a day, sometimes (most of the time) louder than all the other guests we invite and one can get a bit, uh, obsessed.

Please keep putting Will Forte in head-to-toe latex, please? Thank you.

Honestly I didn't pick up at first that we were revisiting Closet Organizer later in the show. Nice taking chances, SNL.

Two parts, here and here. Click away.

Watch Jon Hamm's monologue by clicking here. 

And ... "Lower your voice, show some respect."

Video -- Will This Be The Gaga Grammys?

UPDATE: I was just reading this online at the Times of London from Caitlin Moran and it really sums it up for me ...

In the18 years I’ve been going to the festival I have never seen an act arrive there so magnificently or so confidently impose its own agenda — sex, neurosis, fetish, heels, clubbing, fashion — on such an ostensibly unpromising setting. Just to remind you — there is a field of cows some 800 yards to our right. The principal exports of this location are hay and cheese. And yet Gaga is making Glastonbury feel like a club in New York at 3am. You can practically hear the sirens outside and taste the amyl nitrate. I start to worry about the possibility of getting a cab back over the bridge, to Brooklyn.

Exactly!!!

True story ... I was sitting watching whatever yesterday when a promo for the Grammys came on and I thought to myself, "I wonder what Gaga has in store for us?"

(I know, I know, she says, "Don't call me Gaga," but I think that's just for the guy who ate her heart in the song Monster. After all, she let Oprah call her Gaga, she let Toure at Fuse call her Gaga, I think she'd be okay if I did.)

I have never had a thought like that about a musical performance before, not about Madonna, not about Cher, not about (fill in name of gay icon).

Gaga makes me think about what she'll do, not just what song she'll do.

But I do hope she does Monster, I love the lyrics:

We French-kissed on a subway train

He tore my clothes right off

He ate my heart and then he ate my brain

And I love the kind of disco calliope sound it has. Really chugs along, and it's not a high bpm track which makes dancing on your ass while driving easier.

No video for the song yet, I'm hoping for a somewhat literal translation of the song with a subway platform and New York City on a Summer night after the rain has cleared the streets ... that's what the song makes me think of, the Sundays evenings walking back from The Eagle or The Spike or The Ramrod after a rain to my place on 15th St.

I don't mean the Gaga Grammys in terms of number of awards won but in terms of impact. She has to be the hottest act on tour right now and the show, from what I've seen online is fantastic.

Please HBO, please shoot the last stop of the European tour for broadcast, please! Because some of us older gays don't have anyone to go to concerts with.

Grammys start at 8 eastern on Sunday on CBS.

Video -- The Douchebags of Current TV (No, Not You Brett Erlich)

No, not you Brett, we like you.

We are a little freaked out that all the PAs who did a recent hour with Ben Hoffman look just like you, though. What's that all about?

Seriously, I paused the TV and walked closer to the screen just to examine the similarities.

I'm talking about THE Douchebags from SuperNews. See them, above? They ARE douchebags.

(And they kinda remind me of the Jersey Shore guys.)

Watch 'em by clicking here and here, and you really should be watching the Current TV Thursday Night Block Party starting at 10 eastern. Or at least record it.

It includes infoMania, The Rotten Tomatoes Show and this li'l piece of animated gold from Josh Faure-Brac and his crew.

Or catch them all at the Current website, or Hulu, or YouTube.

SuperNews, btw, features the best Obama impersonation out there, belonging to former Mad TV star Jordan Peele. Catch a sample by clicking here.

CNN Asks, "Is Jimmy Fallon next in line for 'Tonight'?"

UPDATE: Oh, and my dog, Homer, too. Read on ...

See the article here.

The answer? Fuck no!

Who's ahead of Jimmy in that line?

The Shamwow guy, the guy who's bedded most of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Snooki, Petri Hawkins-Byrd (Judge Judy's bailiff), my paperboy, your plumber (crack and all), Puck from Real World SF, the skinny model that hosts Top Chef Masters, the Ed Hardy guy (not Jon Gosselin but Christian Audigier), Jon Gosselin (what the hell, I already found the correct spelling of his last name), all the men named Dave Nelson that are on the US no-fly list, Ted Bundy, Verne Troyer, the "can you hear me now" guy, James Franco (if he'll do General Hospital he'll do anything), Li'l Wayne ... while incarcerated only because the buzz would be enormous if they shot the show in prison, Brody Jenner's eyebrow and chest waxer, Barney from The Simpsons (yes, even a drawing would be better), Chris who wears the leather harness from Craig Ferguson's show, Vicki the robot from Small Wonder (not Tiffany Brissette but the actual ficitional character, and by the way it's now on DVD), John Edwards (that fucking asshole), the ghost of Flip Wilson, 17 women named Phyllis Crumb from all over the UK, Adam Platt (food critic for New York Magazine and brother of Oliver), Dalek Caan, choreographer Mark Morris, The WWE's Triple H, Katie Price ...

... and me.

And then about 195,000 other people, and then Jimmy.

Video -- Johnny Weir's Sundance Channel Reality Show: See the Exact Moment I Stopped Watching

Just in case you're busy, here's the clip and at the 16- second mark in this clip, which is about the one-minute mark in the show (opening credits).

It was, for me, his best friend (really? not boyfriend? not lover? just best friend? really?) Paris Childers sitting like that (see image, right) to hide his junk and drinking white wine in the tub, with Johnny in a blond wig doing an imitation of a Russian TV journalist.

(Before we move on, his name is really Paris? Really? Not something he tacked on as an homage to, well, you know ... ?

That was it, DONE! It's one thing to enjoy drag performers, which I do ... totally another to watch two adult men act like teenage girls, albeit teenage girls who drink white wine in the tub together.

McHale and The Soup are right, it is the gayest thing on TV. Even too gay for me, and ... well, you know, I have built up a tolerance through all these gays days of my life.

Watch Joel's clip at this link. It introduces his new segment, "Gay Shows," which I hope will be returning and soon, if only for the many unused clips of that guy from Little Miss Perfect on WEtv.

I do love my figure skating, though. Always have. That, ski jumping and the half-pipe are the only things I'm looking forward to at the Vancouver Games. I used to love the hockey tourney too but now all the NHL guys you know are on foreign teams and, well, what's the use?

Hey, is that real fur Johnny is wearing top of post? Shame, shame, if it is. No, I haven't joined PETA, I'm having a steak later. But there's no reason for real fur.

Billie Piper on BBC Radio One on Call Girl,Who Movie, Benicio Del Toro; Me on Billie/Belle Interview

With all the stuff I have on my DVR I had to watch the Billie/Brooke Magnanti interview again last night and I thought I'd say something about it, but first ...

Hat tip to my Billie Piper Google News Alert (get yours today, you're not a fan without one) for the heads up on this Radio One interview where she's promoting the new series of Secret Diary Of A Call Girl with Sara Cox subbing on The Scott Mills Show.

Billie was scheduled the day before and couldn't get there, apparently the crestfallen Mills had to had off the interview to Sara with much, much regret, and I totally get that.

If you click here the podcast of the show will pop up, Billie's interview begins just after the 40-minute mark (and that hat tip goes to our friends at the site B-Piper.com who did the hard work of finding a start point). That's a whole 20 minutes of interview with song breaks, but I enjoy listening to the song breaks just to see what's playing on Radio One and how it differs from what's on my local pop music station here (which is Radio Sophie 103.7, btw).

She talks about that vacation in Miami (images right) a bit back (Winston was just two months old at the time) where she ran into Little Brittain's Matt and David and Jimmy Carr and other Brit stars.

And Eurotrash and rappers and "proper Gs."

She professes her love for The X-Factor but not particularly for Jedward.

And, she propositions Benicio Del Toro live on air (at 58:15 in the podcast)!

"Benicio, this is Billie Piper. I'm married but for you that doesn't matter. Anything goes, I love you."

Of course, Rose Tyler has met a Wolfman  before, you remember, right? If not click here.

More after the jump.

Video -- Pee-wee Herman Gets An iPad!

Some clips need nothing from me, like this one.

Ken Tucker Writes the Jay Leno Post That I Tried to Write Last Night

And, I'll just let you read it, it's at this Entertainment Weekly link.

I started a few times last night after watching the interview with Oprah but I kept getting pissed off and walking away from my desk.

Man, was I pissed after that interview. The hubris. The self-involvement. The utter gaul.

Thing that pissed me off the most? Jay kept talking about the 175 people "who work for him" followed by him remarking that he doesn't own the show. And never once considering the scores of people who work for Conan.

And that quitting would have been selfish in some way, beause his staff would have to find new jobs. Meanwhile that's what Conan's people are doing.

Douche.

Thank you, Mr. Tucker.

And now no more Jay on this blog for a while. I'm done. Unless, of course, something enormous happens.

Confirmed! John Barrowman Set for Desperate Housewives Gig

I was just waiting for someone other than The Daily Mail or The Sun in the UK to have this before I posted, but apparently it's true, as Lisa Horowitz at TheWrap.com has details at this link.

It'll be five episodes that will start airing in April and I guess continue through some of May sweeps.

Ugh, now I have to watch this show? I'd better start trying to figure out what's going on at Wisteria Lane. I see there are loads of DH blogs out there, does anyone have a favorite?

I've only ever seen two eps of the show, one because a friend of mine wrote the episode.

Towleroad:

"Creator Marc Cherry is keeping the plotlines involving Barrowman secret. However, The Daily Mail can reveal that he will be the show's main villain in the last section of the current season, series six."

Barrowman seems like the kind of guy who would relish a villain role, I'm looking forward to seeing him chew some scenery. 

BTW, no new word on Fox's Torchwood deal, I'm on it, though, like garlic aoli on a swordfish sandwich.

Oh, now I'm hungry. Damn.

Video -- Lost Mania In Full Swing: Clips, Spoofs & Analysis Right Here

This is the time of year that I look up into the cabinet I keep my DVDs and notice that the season one set of Lost is still in the plastic. I know, I keep mentioning I'm gonna, someday, eventually, sooner or later ... watch the damn thing.

But it's constant availability there on the shelf and other shows that I've been following keep coming fast and furious. What's a TV Junkie to do?

Well, if he's writing a blog he does the unselfish thing and provides his ardent readers links to all things Lost, like, for example, this TV.com piece by Tim Surette called 10 Questions Lost Needs to Answer and here's question number nine:

Why do Widmore and Ben want the island?

No Ben, "the island is special" is not a good enough explanation. These two are willing to kill each other's daughters for the floating rock. I'm sure the producers have a different answer to this question, but I would accept that both Widmore and Ben have a raging case of Objectum Sexuality.

Objectum Sexuality? Oh, like that woman on the BBC America documentary I watched a while back. Watch a clip by clicking here.

At Hulu, they have a bunch of recap clips from each season, and (man, I must love you guys because this is a little bit of tricky coding) I have them all right here for you, just click this.

(If the link isn't working for you please leave a comment so I can fix it.)

Finally, my pals The Fine Bros. have produced something Lost-esque that they'd love for you to see (with vocals by web sensations Rhett & Link, yes, there's a song), and you can watch that by clicking here.

Tuesday Feb. 2 is the night, on ABC, it's a full night event.

ABC.com has every episode available for online viewing, click to the show site here.

Two Castle-Based "Will They Or Won't They" Questions Dovetail Into Each Other

TV.com's Stef Lee asks, "Will they? Won't they?" She says:

Castle and Beckett have been dancing the delicious will-they-won't-they waltz throughout their first two seasons together, and each episode inches us closer to the possibility of a hookup. In Monday's episode, "The Third Man," the two even abandoned their individual dates to return to the case they were working on... together.

And she introduces me to a new acronym, URST (Unresolved Sexual Tension), the origins of which may be with Maddy and David on Moonlighting.

Of course, that kind of thing just kills a show. KILLS! Remember Joe and Rhoda? 'Nuff said. And, big news today from the world of Castle, Hyperion Books has on its calendar a new Richard Castle novel for bookstores come September 2010.

AND ... ABC has ordered two more episodes for this season, bringing the total up to 24 hours for 2009-10, nine more than last year. Ratings are up, way up (thank you America for turning against Jay Leno and watching Castle) and it looks as if our show is safe. For now.

See, the second will they or won't they question was ABC's, and they did.

It's a constant struggle, however. You gotta keep supporting your shows even in good times, don't let them slip and get your friends into them, especially the ones with People Meters in their homes.

Catch the aforementioned episode from this past Monday via Hulu by clicking here.

Video -- Caprica Tonight, Watch "Zoe" Get Down & Dirty With My No Good Friends

That's her above with my no good friends from No Good Television. You will never see an interview with Alessandra Torresani like this one, trust me. It's at this link (no embed codes, link will take you to a new NGTV window).

Man I miss being close enough to LA that I can run up there andbe in the room for stuff like this, not just to meet and get a couple questions in directed at the day's special guest but to hang with Carrie and Shark and The Big K and the remarkable Trevor Blackwood, among others.

(I make remarks about Trevor all the time, they might not always be nice -- sometimes they can be incredibly nasty, in a good way -- but they're plentiful.)

Of course, the hotly-anticipated second episode of the series airs tonight at 10 eastern on Syfy, watch a clip by clicking right here.

When we las (kind of) saw Zoe she was trapped inside a prototype Cylon body and calling her girlfriend Lacy on the phone with an SOS. Can't wait to see what goes on from there.

Video -- Rachel Maddow Interviews Tracey Ullman, Watches Herself "Be Done"

Yes, Tracey Ullman did Rachel Maddow ... imitated her!

Please, you people have filthy filthy minds.

Watch the interview by clicking here. Watch the entire sketch from the premiere episode at this link.

Watch a preview of next week's episode from of Tracey Ullman: State of The Union from Showtime (Monday at 10:30 pm eastern) at this link.

10 Things You Didn't Know About Carnie Wilson

From the "friends in my head" (thank you Wendy Williams) at World of Wonder, producers of her reality series Carnie Wilson: Unstapled , currently airing on GSN Thursdays at 8:

1. She arranged most of the harmonies for Wilson Phillips.

2. She is obsessed with miniature things (except penises).

3. If she were not an alcoholic she would be living in Tuscany and drinking wine (all day).

4. She wishes she were a gay man (watch out bubbies).

5. She really weighs 120lbs.

6. She has an aversion to scalp smell; it makes her gag.

7. She thinks slipping or falling is funny (but not if someone gets hurt).

8. She watches Unstapled (at least three times per episode).

9. She is perfectly genius in her own skin.

10. She loves her own pussy.

Don't we all?

I actually met Randy Barbato from WoW last year at an NBC press event, great guy. They do amazing work in the documentary area and frothy fun stuff like Tori Spelling's reality show for Oxygen.

And, of course, they produced both the doc and feature film versions of Party Monster, based on the James St. James book on tragic club kid of the 90s Michael Alig, which you have to see. Both of them. And read the book. And buy the lunchbox and the action figures.

Okay, there aren't action figures. Or a lunchbox. But that would be really cool.

Watch a clip by clicking this link.

Video -- The Gay Dating Site Ad CBS Claims They're Considering For Super Bowl

Yeah, I said that they claim they're considering it. Let's put it this way -- Mancrunch.com (a site I've never heard of that's based in Toronto) put together a football-themed ad for their site and you can watch it by clicking here.

I surmise CBS is claiming that they're considering running the ad to mellow out the furor over them running the Tim Tebow "I wouldn't be here if my mom had aborted me" ad that they're running this year during the game after refusing to run an all-affirming United Church of Christ ad the last time they had the big game on their air, an ad that had a gay male couple (guy's arm around his partner sitting in the pew) featured.

You can see that UCC ad by clicking here.

This Mancrunch ad will sure get some play in the press over the next week, this is a win for them no matter what happens. I don't even know if the company has the money to run the ad, but lots of interested men will see it online and on the TV (at least parts of it) before the Super Bowl.

It's not a very good ad, though. It's pretty obvious that the guys cast in it didn't even really wanna kiss each other. See for yourself. It's that first link up top.

You can't tell me there weren't two regular looking gay male actors in Toronto who they could have cast in this ad. Toronto's big, and pretty gay, lots of us up there.

I also find it very strange that I've never heard of this site or even seen an ad for it, and I'm on LGBT websites every day.

Something seems fishy to me.

Oprah/Leno: Read The Transcript Now

TheWrap.com has the entire transcript of the interview up now at their site. Click here for that.

Image above from the 50th anniversary celebration for The Tonight Show back in 2004.

Highlights:

WINFREY: So this was your option, moving to prime time rather than going to
another network or going through looking for another job...

Mr. LENO: Well, going to another network, boy, it's a lot of work. I mean you
don't know where you're going, you don't know who you're dealing with. I’ve been
at this network since 1984 in one form or another. I know the lighting guys, I
know what lighting guys I want, I know the makeup--I just know--I’m comfortable
here. I’m not someone who jumps around.

WINFREY: Did you not feel disrespected by the NBC executives?

Mr. LENO: Oh, yeah, I most certainly did.

WINFREY: So was it against your better judgment to do the prime time show?

Mr. LENO: Well, I chose to do it, so I take full responsibility.

Interesting, I think, how he takes full responsibility but suffers absolutely no fallout.

More after the jump.

Video -- It's Skins Day In The UK, No Date Set Yet For BBC America Premiere

Not to worry, though, US Skins fans, it is coming. And I'll be one of the first to tell you when.

Tragedy strikes early this series, per the Skins website. The first episode belongs primarily to Thomas the Congolese transplant (my FB friend Merveille Lukeba) that spent series three getting to know Bristol's most debauched teens (well, are they really or are they just like everyone else?), falling in love with Pandora (below right), getting dragged home by his mom after her visit revealed to her exactly how debauched her son's friends were and then returning just as Panda was finished losing her virginity to Cook.

The episode is written by show creator Jaime Brittain and here's a reasonably spoiler-free synopsis from E4.com:

Our gang are back after the summer break, in a seemingly protective bubble – their hedonism.

There are no consequences, no tomorrow and everyone will live forever. Then Thomas experiences a life changing event, causing him to question everything - his faith, his family and even his choice of friends.

The reverberations will reach far beyond Thomas's story, affecting the lives of all those we know around him ...

You can catch a clip from tonight's premiere by clicking here. No embed codes, so you'll be clicking over to the Skins official site.

More after the jumperoo.

The CW's La Femme Nikita Reboot, Kinda Different For The Gossip Girl/90210 Network

At least from what I can remember from the original film (starring Anne Parrilaud, top of post), the US remake with Bridget Fonda (Point of No Return ) and the Peta Wilson-fronted series in 1997 for CTV and US syndication, La Femme Nikita was, in a word, violent.

Actually really pretty violent. No more than, say, 24, but it had it's moments. 

So, let's look at the CWTV schedule and compare it to its potential scripted stablemates. The Vampire Diaries, despite the vampire thing, is really more a gothic drama with teens and a location change (Georgia). 90210, Melrose and Gossip Girl are all soapy and frothy. Life Unexpected is, well, kinda the same but possibly with a little more heft and a slight injection family drama.

One Tree Hill is just out there. And good for them for making it work, but that scene at the end of last season where the dog (who just happens to be hanging out in a hospital lobby) grabs the dropped transplant heart and eats it just took this show to a whole other ... planet, really. 

That leaves Supernatural and Smallville. BTW I understand The CW is trying to squeeze out another year of Smallville, I imagine most people got bored when Michael Rosenbaum left the show with the original producers at the end of the 2008-9 season.

Now certainly both shows up the action ante from, say, 90210, but they are pretty guy-centric. Hell, Smallville is guy-of-steel-centric, and obviously La Femme Nikita ... well, read the title, it's right there.

Will the young women who watch The CW find interest in a story about a teenage delinquent and heroin addict who is trained to become a government assassin? Not that there aren't some young women who would be interested, but I don't think they're watching The CW. It seems to me this project is quite the right fit.

Imagine your average Gossip Girl fan sitting watching the show when the promo comes on, how does the CW marketing machine help them to make that leap?

One thing's for sure, this time out the young woman who plays the lead is going to have to look like a teenager. Peta Wilson (left) did not. She was 27 when she began shooting the show and she looked older. Not wrinkly older but much more sophisticated older.

It's really supposed to be a teenage girl living on the streets, and as much as that aforementioned heroin addiction might age a person I think it makes an even more powerful statement if the actress really looks like she just skipped gym class to get her strange on with a needle in the park.

I really enjoyed all the various Nikita projects so far, though I have to admit that the US version of the film is my favorite, but I think that has a lot to do with Fonda, who for a time there was the It Girl of the moment and I found very compelling on screen.

I'll be interested in seeing what they do with this. I do hope it's sufficiently dark and complicated. It needs to be to work.

Leno's Amazingly Tone Deaf Comment To Oprah: Talking To Conan "Didn't Seem Appropriate"

But, apparently, Jay did think it was appropriate to steal the man's job. That's no way to revive you reputation. That's what this whole Oprah interview is supposed to be about, isn't it?

Didn't seem appropriate, or had the potential to be such the awkward and potentially explosive confrontation that he just didn't want to do it?

Is Jay Leno ... a pussy?

Fact: Jay agreed to leave The Tonight Show.

Fact: Jay went to primetime and failed.

Fact: Jay's failure led to local news ratings disaster that led to Conan's ratings not being what they could or should have been.

Fact: Jay has worked in TV forever and knows how all this works, whether he admits it or not.

So why not man up and admit failure and move on with one's life? I don't think Jay has it in him. He apparently needs the attention. Well, what other reason can you come up with, he has more money than God (but still probably not more money than the Catholic Church), in fact he claims he hasn't ever touched his NBC money.

Watch the preview clip at this link. No embed codes, the link will take you over to YouTube. It airs tomorrow, check your local listings.

Hey, I haven't had a reason to watch Oprah in a while, this should be good.

You know, I've just been thinking while proofreading this post (yes, occasionally I proofread, not often but sometimes). Do you think Jay's failure to recognize his failure and leave TV is actually Jay not wanting Dave Letterman to have a longer career than him? Is there still that level of competition and animosity between the two?

I think that might just be it.

Oprah: "America has taken sides and a lot of people are not on your side. Did you ever ask yourself, 'Am I being selfish?'"

Well, did he? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

I would love to hear what Peter Lassally, who was Johnny Carson's producer and is now the exec producer of Craig Ferguson's show, has to say on the subject, but I imagine Mr. Lassally is too much of a gentleman to get involved in such things.

ABC Cancels Ugly Betty, Gives Producers "Ample Time to Write a Satisfying Conclusion"

So ABC cancels Eastwick and replaces it with Ugly Betty, moving the show from Friday nights, and now ... they're canceling Ugly Betty.

(Hey, maybe they'll start running The Deep End in that slot and then they can cancel that, too. And then I hope The Forgotten gets moved into that spot. Oh hell, that show's gonna be canceled no matter what, Christian Slater kills everything he signs up for.)

I got the news from, believe it or not, the Wall Street Journal's Speakeasy blog, which reported that the word came down now so that the producers could come up with a suitable ending. Being that's a Murdoch/Newcorpse property I won't be linking to it, but here's Bryan Moylan at Gawker making a salient point about the state of the TV biz in these United States and what this news means:

Instead of remembering Ugly Betty as a tired shadow of its former self, a quirky dud that limped into cancellation after creative and critical triumph, why couldn't it be remembered as a frothy and fun concoction with a limited run? That's because network (and since the networks are dying, cable too) has to make everything into a series so they can wring as much money as possible out of their hot properties. That is why we are stuck with season five of Heroes, which has managed to turn itself invisible thanks to numerous creative missteps. Wouldn't it have been brilliant if it just ended after season one?

Bryan seems to like the UK model more than ours, and to some extent I agree with him. Trying to pound out 22 or 24 episodes of a show a year leads to bad product. Thirteen eps a season of a show is even pushing it, but one has to balance output with the cost of marketing a program concept.

I wasn't a fan of Betty, but I wasn't NOT a fan, either. It must have premiered against some show I watched with a fervor because I have never caught more than ten minutes of an episode, but I know there are a lot of talented people there in front and behind the camera.

I'll be looking forward to seeing what Silvio Horta comes up with next. 

We can't get Eastwick back? Maybe we could just see the episodes that never aired? Please?

Mad Men's Salvatore Romano Goes Into The Central Park Brambles, Never To Be Seen Again

Now I just don't get this. The last we see of Sal he's calling his beard of a wife from a pay phone while a 60s-era leatherman (I think, it's been a while since the episode) and others saunter off into Central Park, headed to The Brambles (also known as The Ramble), for some quick outdoor relief of a man-on-man sexual nature.

Richard Quest from CNN got caught with drugs and a sex toy (dildo?)  in The Brambles and he's still working on CNN (albeit CNN International, which has limited US viewership) and Bryan Batt's character goes to the same place in a suit and gets canned?

(It's a joke, folks, I DO understand the difference between real life and TV.)

So we never get to see him again? What? Is this true? Because the news today from actor Bryan Batt, per New York Magazine, is that he was supposed to get a call before Dec. 31 about the status of his job on the show ... and no call.

Apparently, Matthew Weiner did at one point discuss this with him on the phone, and you can read all about that exchange from Batt's point of view by clicking here.

First Ianto gets killed on Torchwood and now Sal gets sent to the cornfield , so to speak. What's next? Is Oprah planning something horrible involving wallpaper paste and an area rug to happen to Nate Berkus? Will Ugly Betty's Marc see his job outsourced to Bangalore? 

I'll miss Sal, and even his beard of a wife. She was nice, understanding, and just a little clueless.

Watch Sal fend off the advances of that bastard from Lucky Strike at this link.

Watch Don Draper fire Sal by clicking here.

Video -- WWE Star John Cena Tonight on USA's Psych Premiere

Cena reunited with a former costar Robert Patrick (T2) from his film debut, The Marine, in tonight's season premiere of Psych on USA (new day, new time) at 10 eastern.

He plays Ewan O'Hara, a special ops soldier and brother to Maggie Lawson's character, Detective Juliet O'Hara. He will help try to solve the murder of two soldiers and take down an officer involved in weapons trading.

And, in a reversal of my usual tone, if you need to see him in action shirtless, just watch Monday Night Raw, where that's a regular occurrence. The guy should be able to wear a shirt occasionally, after all.

Though, to paraphrase an old Rosie O'Donnell line, if I had his body I'd be laying naked in the frozen food section of my local supermarket daily.

Watch him run very fast and do more very athletic stuff by clicking here.

If you're a fan of the show and you haven't entered the Psych All Access Sweepstakes, it's time to click this link and get it done, gang. You and a guest will be flown to beautiful Vancouver (though you know how I feel about runaway production -- ugh!) four four days and three nights and stay somewhere posh and visit the set, have lunch with the cast and get free stuff that will make your friends that you didn't bring with you so jealous.

Click away before the deadline of March 16 at 11:59 pm.

Video -- Hey Jon Hamm, Where'd the Beard Go?

See? No beard this week. And after the world just proclaimed their love for the beard? What up? Everyone from E! to Towleroad to the Los Angeles Times will be crestfallen.

Asked about the global significance of his beard, Hamm told MTV at Sundance, "I would say slim to none ... there's no significance." Apparently it's a product of being lazy, which I get -- it's why I'm sporting one right now.

Watch that by clicking here.

Alas, now it's gone. He's hosting SNL this week with musical guest Michael Buble. Watch him riff with Valley Stream's own Fred Armisen by clicking here.

I imagine it would be tough to do SNL with the kind of thicket Hamm manages to grow. That's some hormone profile, huh?

It was the talk of the SAG Awards, after all (image right).

Maybe next year at the SAGs Hamm will have more than the two noms (almost perennial now) for Mad Men. He was in Sundance (the MTV clip above) promoting his new film with James Franco about Allen Ginsberg called Howl! .

Hamm plays attorney Jake Ehrlich who defended the sale of Ginsberg's work in bookstores against obscenity claims.

Watch the "A-holes" sketch from Jon's first SNL hosting gig from last year by clicking here.

Video -- The Joy Of Having An Episode Of The IT Crowd On My DVR Every Morning

There is nothing in the world like rolling over at about 7 am and knowing that sitting on the digital video recorder in the bedroom is an episode of The IT Crowd.

Not that I have to watch it at 7 am, but I know it's there and it makes me happy knowing it will be part of my day. It's just so funny.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching the episode titled The Speech, which most of the fans of the show know as "This, Jen, Is The Internet."

Yes, I've posted the clip before, but I can't again because Channel 4 in the UK has removed the embed codes for it at YouTube, so you'll just have to click over (LINK).

And for good measure you should click here to see what happens when Jen gives her employee of the month speech to the board (LINK).

And I just can't get enough of Matt Berry as Douglas Reynholm. He makes everything funnier. He could make typhoid funny. There's something about his voice and manner that just slays me.

Thank you, IFC, for making it a little easier for me to wake up every morning.

Visit the Reynholm Industries website at this link.

Why Are Movie Stars Are Falling From This Sky?

They're not really falling from the sky, folks, just from their lofty perches as movie stars. Yes, it's that time of year when TV casting people talk openly to the press about those film stars that they are trying to place in pilots for the Fall season.

Every year without fail since I started writing this blog the Hollywood Reporter has done a piece around this time of year on which actors TV would like to toss into its mouth and chew. And this year's list includes one of my absolute personal favorites, Julianne Moore.

(She won me over in 2002 with The Hours and Far From Heaven. There's a moment in The Hours where with one look from her I broke into tears and I was hers.)

Yes, the Oscar-nominated Julianne Moore, recent guest star on 30 Rock (with what some say was a terrible Boston accent, though I think it was over the top on purpose).

Of course taking a TV job doesn't necessarily mean that y0u can no longer do films, but depending on the project it does take a big bite out of one's schedule. On the other hand and once again depending on the project it does keep actors in one place for a while, providing stability to their families.

Of course, on another hand (yes, that's three hands now, so what?) doing a series might be the end of anyone out there in the audience ever believing you as something other than that character. Right, Jennifer Aniston?

And Julianne (whose on Regis & Kelly tomorrow, btw) has those two beautiful kids with director Bart Freundlich.

More after the jump.

Breaking -- J.Lo on HIMYM? Yes Indeedy, But Not During Sweeps?

So the How I Met Your Mother guys manage to convince Jennifer Lopez to guest and they aren't running the episode during February sweeps?

Damn Winter Olympics on NBC got in the way, I guess.

Per the Hollywood Reporter, she set to play an author of books on relationship who hears about the exploits of one Barney Stinson from Robin and plans to "break him."

Can't they hold the episode till May sweeps? Or is something else happening during May sweeps that prevents them from doing so?

And if there is something else happening, does it have anything to do with meeting Ted's soon-to-be wife? Does anyone really care who ends up being the "your mother" part of the title of this show? I don't really, I just enjoy the week to week goings on.

Then again, I am one who strives to live in the moment.

I believe J. Lo's last sitcom appearance was on Will & Grace, am I right? Well, whatev, I have a clip from that and it's at this link.

About the clip, for some reason it runs faster as it plays, so by the end everyone sounds like The Chipmunks. You'll enjoy.

Why Gawker Is Barking Up The Wrong Tree With Gerry Butler Gay Rumors

See?

Now, before you start typing in the comment section, "Well Joe, you're a big fat load and you're gay," note the difference. I'm not starring in films. I don't have the big bank account that might warrant a controlled foot program (like the Zone diet delivery plan, for example).

Also, no gay man would ever wear those swim trunks. Ew.

Okay, I don't really know if Butler is or isn't. I also don't really care. I'm never gonna meet him, we're never gonna date, and he'd probably annoy the hell outta me like all the other men I've dated anyway.

Today, Gawker has him allegedly paying a street performer to make out with him in public to boost his straight cred. As if Gerry couldn't find a woman who wanted to kiss him?

Please.

Further, it always skeeves me out (makes me very uncomfortable) when publications bandy about the gay thing as if it's the end of the world or the horrible secret. Kinda homophobic, Gawker.

Full Episode Video (US Only) -- ABC's The Deep End: Can I Get That Hour Back?

Seriously, who do I call to get that hour I spent watching the new ABC new attractive attorney show? Because I spent all that time waiting to see how they would manage to get True Blood season two star Mehcad Brooks to take his shirt off ... and he didn't even show up in the episode until, like, 40 minutes into it.

And the fairly attractive Aussie guy (Liam, played by former Neighbours star Ben Lawson, with what appears to be a nice body under that pinstripe shirt? He got as far as boxers ... but he was still wearing the shirt. And the tie.

WTF?

There is nothing else here to distinguish this show from any number of other attempts at a legal comedy/drama (the word dramedy has been banned from this blog) and I can't imagine it will have legs at all. 

Nice try making a Grey's Anatomy for the legal set, but I just couldn't get into it, it was like looking at a handsome woman standing in a room of supermodels and beauty pageant contestants, not objectionable but also not memorable.

The only performance that made any impact was that of Broadway star Norbert Leo Butz, who finally did a TV project that made air after a slew of pilots that didn't make the cut.

And as attractive as Ben Lawson is I didn't really connect with his character. I like Tina Majorino as the tentative, non-aggressive associate who shows some growth even in the one episode aired so far, but two characters out of a cast of many do not make for a compelling hour of TV.

The only saving grace for the show is that the new associates at the law firm in question spend their off hours at a rooftop bar (like The Standard in LA) with a pool. Perfect way to get Mehcad Brooks' shirt off, but I don't think the show will last long enough for us to see that.

And you know what kills, absolutely kills? The show action is based in Los Angeles but they actually shoot the damn thing in Dallas. How could it possibly be less expensive to shoot the thing there when you have to ship the entire cast there and probably notable creatives from the crew (set designer/decorator, et. al.) and visits to the set by network types and others?

Think of all the LA craft and trade people who aren't working today because they shipped this show off to Dallas.

They've shot six of them. Think they'll all get aired? I'm not really banking on it. Now, in the online video version of "This is awful, taste it," click this link to watch the first episode.

Wossy This Friday -- Billie Piper, Alicia Keys, Alan Carr

Wossy = Jonathan Ross, Friday nights at 10 eastern on BBC America. It's his final series of the show for BBC One.

BTW, not Alan Carr the producer of the Village People movie Can't Stop The Music costarring Bruce Jenner but British comic Alan Carr, host of UK Channel 4's Alan Carr: Chatty Man , which just got picked up by Canadian cabler OUTtv.

Note to Logo, I really wouldn't mind it if you did the same. It can't be a really expensive show to buy, why not take the plunge?

Of course, US audiences will be most excited about Billie and Alicia. Billie's there to promote the new season of Secret Diary, which started last night here in the US and premieres this Thursday on ITV2 and I imagine Alicia Keys is touring there, don't really know.

All those recent quotes from Billie about kissing various Doctor Who stars comes from this upcoming interview, as if the woman had nothing else to say. Leave it to Wossy.

Ross' show has always been one that I've watched for the guests, not the host. Compare that to Craig Ferguson here in the States, who could have the bagger at your supermarket and Joseph Mengele and still be very entertaining.

Funny story, speaking of the late Alan Carr ... I was at the South Coast Performing Arts Center back in the day to see the revival of Grease, the national tour cast with Rosie O'Donnell and, I believe, Megan Mullally. It was terrible, plus the acoustics were horrible so I left early. So did Alan Carr, who produced the film version with Travolta.

I ran into him in the parking garage while he waited for his car to pull up and I asked him what he thought. He replied, "Glad the movie came out first."

Which was probably the nicest thing he could have said. 

See a clip from the other Alan Carr's chat show by clicking here. He's talking to Miley Cyrus.

Wake Up With Mario Lopez Tomorrow -- Details Here!

If you're on the left coast, it'll be 8:30 am when Mario's live chat at TV.com begins, so you can just roll out of bed and to your desk. Click here to set up a reminder at the site. And, I can't guarantee that the Mario Lopez on the other side of this chat will be typing naked.

However, you are more than welcome to imagine him as such.

This is Mario's busy season, the Extra! host adds his Miss America and America's Best Dance Crew duties to his schedule this month, and will tell you all about it (and, possbily, inform whether he has time to put on clothes given said busy schedule) tomorrow at the aforementioned ungodly hour.

I also don't think he'll take questions from TV.com about his personal grooming ... down there (see image top of post).

Speaking of Dance Crew, possibly the most relevant of the dance competition shows (you actually see the participants of this show go on to get work), they return this Thursday taking the Jersey Shore timeslot now that the Guidos are through for the season.

(They'll be back, though. Well, maybe not these specific Guidos, they're asking for a big bump-up in pay, reportedly.)

Watch a clip from the auditions for this season by clicking here. ABDC is a show I actually watch from time to time, these kids have amazing skills.

Video -- Oh HBO, What The Hell Are You Doing?

Do you know what's running on HBO right now?

And I'm not talking about HBO2 or HBO Zone or any of the other subsequent HBO channels that populate my channel grid. I'm talking the big major HBO "no number, no nickname" channel.

They're running the 1994 Fox TV movie Madonna: Innocence Lost.

It has no Madonna songs in it. It stars an actress who also played the singer in a Dennis Rodman TV movie. She doesn't even look like Madonna, how did she get these gigs?

It's so awful it's one of those movies that some YouTube user posted on the site in 10 parts and no one has cared enough to file a copyright claim.

Watch one of those parts at this link.

On HBO right now. Which I pay for. Sad.

Does The TV.com Staff Hate Conan O'Brien?

No, I don't really think so. But, they have some interesting ideas for Coco now that he has free time. They are suggesting today some shows that could use a little Conie-Onie to raise their profiles, their laugh quotients and maybe get a pickup for a new season.

But seriously, people, would you really subject him to working at Two And A Half Men? Really?

At that site today, "Dear Conan, please prove that 14 bazillion people can be wrong by bringing true wit to Two and a Half Men."

Now why would you wanna do that to someone you like? I feel bad enough for Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell.

And Charlie? He has enough problems right now, let's not even bring him into this.

You know who should have a great career after the show ends, though? Angus T. Jones, who has some of the best comedy timing on TV and doesn't seem like the type of child star that ends up robbing banks to support his Peruvian marching powder habit.

The show is one of those that I end up watching when spending time with my parents. You know, just like NCIS.

But I enjoy NCIS.

Reported -- Chelsea Handler and Her Meal Ticket E! Honcho Ted Harbert Break Up

OMG what will happen to The Chelsea Handler Show and why is it that an image of a lame horse being shot just went through my head.

Richard Lawson (formerly of TV.com), one of my favorite web entertainment writers, is now at Gawker and writes today:

Our source tells us that Handler was the one to do the breaking-up, so look for an inevitable narrative about Handler feeling she'd sufficiently taken advantage of Harbert and then kicking him to the curb to emerge. Last summer the couple, who lived together, denied breakup rumors, with Handler reaffirming their "live-in lover" status on her show.

I imagine Chelsea will be looking toward some vaginal rejuvenation surgery and eventually a hookup with whoever runs Grey Goose vodka.

Or Ted's boss. Who is Ted's boss, Brian Roberts? Roberts has a wife and three kids. But on the other hand he's the son of the Comcast founder and he was a All-American squash player.

And like Chelsea ... he's Jewish.

Aileen Roberts, keep Chelsea away from your hubby.

Also, reports that Jonathan Ross and Chelsea may do a short project together, from the UK Daily Mail, so take it with a grain (a giant grain) of salt.

Now there's a party to which I really don't desire an invite.

Bill Gates On Chinese Internet Censorship -- Meh

It seems to be not such a big deal to Bill. Then again, Microsoft does business in China and I'm sure he doesn't wanna piss anyone off.

But for me, anything that stands between people and the truth is kinda ... anti-human.

Watch him talk about it with that little guy from Good Morning America by clicking here.

In the UK, the Guardian thought this important enough to write about yesterday:

Less than two weeks after Google said it planned to uncensor its Chinese search engine in protest at attempts to break into the email accounts of human rights activists, Gates criticised his rival's decision and insisted that agreeing to Beijing's demands was just part of doing business in the country. "You've got to decide: do you want to obey the laws of the countries you're in or not? If not, you may not end up doing business there," he told ABC's Good Morning America programme.

He also brushed aside accusations that Microsoft has been complicit in helping filter the web by saying that it was not an issue because any censorship could be circumvented with technical knowledge. "Chinese efforts to censor the internet have been very limited," he said. "It's easy to go around it, so I think keeping the internet thriving there is very important."

Gates's comments echo those last week by Microsoft chief executive, Steve Ballmer, who took a swipe at Google by suggesting that the company had over-reacted in China. "People are always trying to break into other people's data," he said on Friday. "There's always somebody trying to break into Microsoft."

Ballmer also likened Microsoft's complicity in actively filtering internet content to the oil industry's decision to import oil from Saudi Arabia, despite the censorship that takes place there. "If the Chinese government gives us proper legal notice, we'll take that piece of information out of the Bing search engine," adding that even countries with "extreme" free speech laws, such as the US, exercised some censorship.

The comments of both men come despite the fact that efforts to censor the internet in China – a project known as the Golden Shield – are among the most extensive in the world. The country's estimated 300 million internet users are almost all affected by the various blocks and filters, which include direct censorship of anti-government protesters, members of the Falun Gong religious group, Tibetan independence campaigners and the Taiwanese media. At various points, Beijing has also blocked access to international news websites including the BBC and the Guardian, and around 50 Chinese bloggers are in prison as a result of their postings.

One thing you can say about Microsoft, they are nothing if not pragmatic, or at least their definition of the word. Ballmer wants those China dollars so he'll dismiss almost anything as just so much piffle. 

I call it selling your soul, some call it pragmatism.

New US Census Ads By Christopher Guest and Company

So I'm sitting with sis in front of the tube and she turns to me and says, "Is this an ad for the new Christopher Guest movie?"

"No," I replied, "I think it's an ad for DirecTV," because Ed Begley Jr. was in it.

Then we kept watching and it turns out to be a PSA for the 2010 Census.

So, why all the Christopher Guest troupe members? Because he directed it?

Shoulda known, of course, I totally missed Jennifer Coolidge while most of my face was buried in a coffee cup.

Watch one at this link. More on the campaign at this link from Advertising Age.

Video -- Billie Piper Talks To "The Real Belle" Tonight on Showtime

Billie and The Real Belle Bare All will kick off the third season of the ITV/Showtime hit Secret Diary Of A Call Girl tonight at 10 right before the season premiere of Tracey Ullman: State Of The Union.

It's a half hour interview conducted by Billie Piper with Brooke Magnanti, the woman who wrote the book on which the series is based. Magnanti revealed herself to be the writer of the anonymous volume earlier this year.

I'm looking forward to this, watch this clip where Ms. Magnanti talks about her first client. Billie talks on her way to meeting Brooke at this link.

The first new episode of series three will then premiere next week.

And here's another clip, to prepare you for next week's proper first episode.

Watch a clip of Brooke on Sky TV's The Book Show being interviewed by Mariella Frostrup and read Robert McCrum's analysis of her putting her name to her blog and book, finally, at this link.

You know, we're actually seeing this before it airs on ITV, which is kinda cool for a change.

James Mitchell, 1920-2010

Read more on Mitchell, All My Children's Palmer Cortlandt, at this Hollywood Reporter link. Mitchell is survived by his long time partner, costume designer Albert Wolsky.

Mitchell's last AMC appearance was on January 5th for the show's 40th anniversary celebration.

Jeremy Kyle, American Talk Host? Not On My Watch!

Trust me, you don't want this to happen. Jeremy Kyle's show is .... bleeech! And he's even worse. And worse than him are his guests.

It's kind of like Maury Povich's talk show but with a bastard hosting it and a standing invitation to the dregs of humanity to show up in studio.

Wanna see? Click here!

Wanna see how BBC's spoof series Dead Ringers took on Kyle? Click here.

Wanna then tell the people who bring us The Wendy Williams Show what you think about Jeremy Kyle? Click here.

This is, after all, the inspiration for the BBC comedy The Life And Times of Vivienne Vyle , with the role of talk host being played by  Ab Fab's Jennifer Saunders.

Catch a clip of that by clicking here.

Joel McHale Talks to The Advocate: "I’m Constantly Tweezing"

Hat tip to Towleroad, which gets name-checked in the piece. Yes, I'm jealous!

The Advocate's Brandon Voss asks Joel (seen above with pal Seth Green) if he worries that losing his looks would result in the loss of his gay fan base, and Joel replies:

Yes, so I’m constantly tweezing, but I don’t really work out anymore. I just run after my two little sons and stop eating. And out of the 10 or 11 houses on the cul-de-sac we live on, about seven of them have gay couples in them — I’m not joking. They’re all in fantastic shape and their houses look terrific, so I have to keep up.

Oh Joel, you'll never be able to keep up with the Gay Joneses, you've got kids and a wife and two shows on TV and live dates around the country. Plus there's saving for the kids' college, money that could be used for laser hair removal or calf implants or (and you know this is coming, we ALL know it's coming) ... hair plugs.

Face it, it happens to all of us. We gays have the disposable income to deal with such things, however. Most of us don't have to shove our hard earned cash into some 529 plan for our kids' tuition.

Maybe a third job? How about that stool next to Kathie Lee during the 10 am menopause hour of the Today show?

Video -- Conan Leaves With Style: "If You Work Really Hard and You're Kind, Amazing Things Will Happen"

And it all ends with a little Lynyrd Skynyrd from Will Ferrell and friends (including Beck).

Now he's as free as a bird, starting September 1st.

Video -- BBC's Ideal, From the Beginning, On IFC Starting Jan. 28 (at 2 am so set your DVR)

Now here's a show that you'd never see on US television ... overweight slacker guy has a cop friend who busts drug dealers in the neighborhood and hands the drugs over to him to sell. Cast includes this guy who's always wearing a mask of a cartoon mouse. Always. In fact, it's not so much that he wears the mask as the mask is a part of him.

Features a necrophiliac neighbor, various drug users including a pregnant girl, the aforementioned police officer, a gay guy with various new friends, upcoming rock musicians (including Andrew Lee Potts from Primeval), women who trade flirting for spliff, a soon-to-be pornographer named Psycho Paul, a guy on probation (always on probation), girlfriend who may or may not be pregnant with her overweight slacker boyfriend's child, Japanese tourists, and a guy who's just looking for a hookup (and later his twin brother, wondering what might have happened to him).

Sounds complicated? A little bit, but you throw on the closed captioning and it's easy to figure out.

Doesn't sound Ideal? What if I put a space inbetween two of the letters? Like, say, "I deal?"

Getting it now? Watch a clip by clicking here.

Comic Johnny Vegas stars as Maurice (Moz for short), the dealer. You really need to check out this show, at least once. I've failed to describe it adequately, but trust me you need to see this.

Video -- Catherine Tate Tonight On Friday Night With Jonathan Ross

In this clip (LINK) Tate talks about the rumors that she would be the next Doctor, the first female Doctor in the history of Doctor Who.

And for all of you who have rebutted my remarks about Tate's alleged cosmetic surgery just sit down tonight and watch this and tell me she hasn't had a little somethin' somethin' done. It's not a vast difference but it does work for her, she looks very refreshed.

Tonight at a new time on BBC America, 10 pm eastern. That places him directly against Leno, wonder if Jay will wanna take over Wossy's show next year, too. Wouldn't surprise me eventually if Jay took that job of that woman on my GPS, too.

And James Earl Jones' CNN gig. And Kiefer Sutherland's car commercial work.

Oh what the hell, why not make Jay the new Doctor Who as well?

Musical guest is Pixie Lott, who's big in England, check her out by clicking here. She reminds me of a young Billie Piper.

TV.com Live Chat With Twilight, Nurse Jackie Actor Peter Facinelli Tomorrow

It all starts at 7:30 pm eastern tomorrow night at TV.com, just click here to set a reminder for you to pop over to the site.

I had no idea he was in these Twilight movies, the first one makes it's TV debut on Showtime tomorrow night at 8 eastern. I might just record the thing to see what the big effin' deal is. I'm of the mind, like Craig Ferguson, that moody young-looking vampires that have feelings and talk about them just suck. Not suck blood, just suck.

Whatev, who am I to trounce upon the pop culture meme of the period.

But really, vampires with feelings and bedhead and mopey girls with gray skin and bad hair? Please.

Now Nurse Jackie? That's some entertaining TV. When last we saw Jacks she was drinking morphine out of the bottle, right? Right?

Now that's compelling. And Facinelli's doctor character with two moms and a penchant for grabbing onto a passing female breast to calm himself?

Yes, I'm totally into that.

I'll be interested to see  Showtime's published viewer numbers for this movie premiere, should be their highest viewed anything of all time.

Nurse Jackie returns in March. More on that as we get closer.

Jay Leno "Revive My Reputation Tour" Begins With Oprah Interview Jan. 28

And so it begins.

I don't know if any of it helps, but Jay's gonna give it the ol' college try. Starting, of course, with Oprah. The interview will air this Thursday (Jan. 28) on her show.

Remember this Time Magazine cover above? Huh? Ah, good times, huh!

Everyone goes to Oprah to make things right, like she's magic or something. She's not, you know, she's just a smart businesswoman who knows how to create that relationship with viewers and keep them engaged with a solid marketing machine.

BAFTA Awards on BBC America Feb. 21

Yeah yeah, British film awards and all that, see the nominees (announced this morning) at this link.

All you need to know right now is that this is Carey Mulligan's best shot at an award for her role as Jenny in An Education.

And, it would seem to me that these awards are a much better reflection of the mood of the US motion picture academy than the 17 people who vote on the Golden Globes.

(Okay, it's more than 17. 18? 20?)

Just in case you miss the first airing of the awards at 8 eastern, BBC America will rerun the whole shebang again. Twice.

So, no excuses, right? Okay.

New True Blood "Un-Action" Figures By DC Unlimited (Hey, Only $69.99 ... What?)

You see, they're un-action figures because they have no lower thighs or calves or feet. No feet? How do they walk?

They don't.

And c'mon, 70 bucks for a figure smaller than seven inches that you can do little more than sit on a shelf somewhere and admire?

Don't think so.

Plus, I think Eric's shoulders are a bit large for the rest of him. Not that I don't like big deltoids but "symmetry people, symmetry!"

You can also get a Merlotte's neon sign ... for 20 dollars more ... it's 16 inches wide.

And then there's the neon, of course.

Yeah, I'll pass. But not on the show, it comes back this Summer. Catch a little teaser from HBO's YouTube account by clicking here.

Video -- Jersey Shore: The Motion Picture?

From tonight's episode of The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson.

Hat tip to Zap2It.com.

See Spartacus: Blood And Sand Before Everyone Else, NOW, Right Where You're Sitting

C'mon, you know you wanna. Just click here and go there (new window).

Who knows, you may get so excited that you call your cable company and order Starz so that you can see it on the big screen tomorrow night at 10 eastern. If you do, you can get a rebate from Starz, more details at this link.

Should you not have the time for the full episode, you can just check out this trailer (LINK) and set your DVR to record.

And, Starz likes it so much they've already renewed for a second season.

Video -- Has It Come To This? Conan Accepting Handouts From NBC Colleagues?

Apparently so. Community's Joel McHale makes the offer on last night's Tonight Show.

Watch it by clicking here. Then watch part two of the interview at this link.

And of course, Soup's on tomorrow at 10 eastern, Community at 8 tonight on NBC.

Check out Chevy Chase's appearance on The Soup from last Friday at this link.