Denise Richards: "My Heart Just Fell Out of My Ass As Soon As You Said That"

Is that the weirdest thing you've ever heard anyone say or what? She says it to someone who calls her about a blind date. Blind date? I know, the blind date is a staple of the unscripted celebrity series, but to throw it up there in the first five minutes? That's almost criminal!

And, she coins the phrase is right in front of her dad, and the pig (you remember the pig from yesterday's Denise post). In fact, the episode has her looking for a "stud" for her pig. Studs, pigs, the phrases "up my ass" and "big dicks," they populate your TV screen in an almost surreal way. No one's actual life could be like this, it sounds like dialogue snippets from a gay porn film.

So, in the first three minutes of the first episode, Denise shows up at the DMV without the proper papers to get her maiden name put back on her license, and it's everyone's fault but hers. How can that be?

And then, the second she gets a chance, she turns to the camera and disses her personal assistant.

So, if she thinks this show is gonna do something to improve her public image, she's got a problem.

I think I'm done with this. Unless something happens later on that I just can't resist.

Oh, one more thing, the kids are used very sparingly, which is probably a good thing, At least in this episode they are.

More on Denise, and on Dina Lohan, her network mate, after the jump, from MomLogic.com.

From my email box today:

In the wake of “Living Lohan” launching, ABC News asked Momlogic.com's family therapist, Dr. Shannon Fox, specifically about Dina and Lindsay's relationship and what effect the glare of the camera has on an already potentially dysfunctional unit. "There's a natural tendency to be competitive in a mother-daughter relationship. The mother used to be young and beautiful. And in this case, Dina's still an attractive woman, but she's not in her 20s anymore. So she's struggling to compete with her daughters with how she looks, how sexy she is, how she can still party like a teenager."

You can go vote on who's the worst mom by clicking here.